The unexpected pregnancy test
While I was cleaning up some folders, I found one loaded with photos. All photos of a pregnancy test and the box, taken from various angles.
I was like … WTF?! What was this fr– OHHHH right. That.
They weren’t from the time I got a positive test that ended being our son.
They weren’t from the time I got a positive test that ended up being our daughter, either.
(The blog archives tell me I also used to take tests for funsies, apparently. These photos weren’t from any of those times.)
The pregnancy test photos were from the time, just two years ago, that I had to take a pregnancy test because MY DAMN IUD FELL OUT.
Yes, you read that correctly. The annoying little pinchy whatever that was supposed to be a totally effective birth control? CAME OUT OF MY BODY WHEN IT WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO, meaning I could have gotten pregnant without wanting to.
I realized I never did really blog about my IUD nightmare, so let me sum it up quickly:
Heather vs. The Evil IUD
Act I:
- Heather has an awesome OBGYN who loves IUDs and thinks they’re freaking incredible.
- Heather reads lots of positive reviews from people who love their IUDs. They sound pretty great. She’s into it.
- Heather goes for six-week postpartum appointment after having her second (final) baby and brings along the IUD she picked up from the pharmacy.
- Young Medical Student or Whatever attempts to stick IUD into Heather and it’s awful with many tears and it has to be halted.
- Heather yet again attempts to get the damn IUD people keep raving about (it rhymes with Yer-aye-na) but goes to a different OBGYN who gives her “cervix-opening” pills to take. (After Heather reminds them tearfully that she was never EXPANDED down there and that was clearly the problem during Act I.)
- Second OBGYN gets it in just fine! A pinch, as promised. Well, OK, more than a pinch, but at least the drama was over. *Dramatic foreshadowing music*
- Heather has a funny feeling DOWN THERE.
- What is it? Why, it’s a little pinchy plastic thing!
- Heyyyyy, she knows what that is!
- It’s supposed to be UP THERE, doing its job.
- Which means if it’s just been floating around up there …
- … then …
- OMGGGGG!
- Heather refrains from doing THAT, of course, because she could 100% get pregnant if her husband even looks at her.
- Heather goes back to the second OBGYN in a fury, waving the little plastic thing around (in a baggie because, ew) and dramatically retelling what happened.
- OBGYN shrugs and doesn’t seem to care.
- OBGYN infuriates Heather by saying “this happens.”
- OBGYN further terrifies Heather by telling her to “go for a blood test” the next day to see if she is PREGNANT.
- Heather, of course, can’t wait until the next day and runs out of his office to buy a home pregnancy test immediately.
- It is negative (so is the blood test) but she is still furious with IUDs and anyone who recommends them.
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Heather's Handmade Life 