A Friday of fat fears

Friday, December 11, 2009
14 weeks, 5 days pregnant

This is kind of how I look right now. Except, you know:

  • I’m not a cartoon
  • I can’t see my parts from the outside
  • I don’t have an out-y belly button (thank God, I hate them)
  • My ribcage seems to stick out more
  • My baby is definitely cuter than this one
I’m entering Week 16 on Sunday, and I’ve been feeling self-conscious about the size of my baby bump. I don’t have a scale (they’re evil), so I’m basing this all on looks. Is it too big? Am I totally enormous for almost-16-weeks? OH GOD, I’M A BEAST, AREN’T I?
This whole preggo thing is very new to me. I’ve only had one preggo friend (Hi, C! How’s that precious baby boy?), and it’s not like I measured her bump or anything. I have three school friends on Facebook who are pregnant, but they all live far away and rarely post pics.
I don’t know why I feel like I might be bigger than I should be. I just … do! So I’m going to explore this in bullet points, because God knows I can’t afford therapy (or fat camp). It could be because …
  • I am the heaviest I have ever been … (well, that’s a good thing)
  • I am not used to having a stick-out stomach. While I’ve never been a skinny mini, I’ve also never had one of those figures where you’re pretty slim all over but you have a rounded tummy — as Little Sis and I have discussed many times, we much prefer our juicy butts/thighs and relatively flat stomaches to the awkward “she-kinda-looks-pregnant” figure that some girls permanently have
  • My ass is bigger … as proven by my poor, ill-fitting, slightly-inappropriate bejeweled panties
  • Stupid pregnancy books say I “might, just now, be starting to show” … and I’ve been showing practically since conception. Apparently you don’t usually show so early unless you’ve already had kids … and I don’t remember having kids before!
  • My jeans stopped fitting almost immediately … and I keep hearing about women who wear theirs into their second trimester, with a rubber band. Who does that? Skinny bitches put on this planet to make me feel bad, that’s who.
  • I feel like I’m walking slower … not waddling (yet), but dragging extra weight. Just heavy in general.
I know there is “no set amount” of weight a pregnant woman should gain, and that every woman is different/a unique treasure/has her own body rhythms, blah blah blah.
Am I alone on this? Is it normal to wonder if your bump is “too big” for how far along you are?
NOTE: If the answer is, “No, it’s not normal, you crazy fattie!” then please send cookies instead of commenting.

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