I have always been a mommy-in-training.

I was very into baby dolls growing up — until I caved to peer pressure and gave them up at 11 13. I always knew I would someday have my own kids. Long before my husband and I married, we discussed how much we wanted two or three.

Now that we are — almost — at that time, I find myself obsessing over it. Everywhere I look, I see babies and hear people talking about babies. I see pregnant women everywhere. I pore over mommy blogs, so I decided to start my own future-mommy one (Hi there! Thanks for reading!).

But I am constantly reminded of what having a baby would mean. It means leaving a career I have worked hard for — either just for a while, or forever. It could mean tough times, financially.

I am torn between two parts of myself — the Type A over-achiever, who enjoys working and would never want to disappoint her bosses, and the 50s housewife, who would really enjoy being a stay-at-home mom. It’s definitely a head-versus-heart dilemna.

I’m the kind of person that makes lists for everything, and plans for everything, so I am dedicating 2009 to getting ready — mentally, physically, financially, etc. — to be a mother. I know you can never be really prepared for a baby, but I want to do the best I can. It means so much to me.