Eff you, formula!
I did it. I finally — after, like, 10 months of refusing to budge off my stubborn high horse — gave Baby Boy formula.
And you know what sucks?
HE WON’T EVEN DRINK IT!
Arrrrrrrrrrgh!
Let me back up … Remember on Sunday night, when I posted about how I was thinking about when to wean off breastfeeding? Well, writing that post must have been cathartic and helped me organize my feelings, because just after I published it, I basically headed for the kitchen and began boiling water for the first attempt.
I dug a can of Enfamil A+ (exactly as pictured here) out of the cupboard — where I’d stashed it waaaay back when I was pregnant and they mailed it to me for free.
I read the directions. I boiled water. I cooled the water. I painstakingly measured the water and the little scoops of powdered nastiness formula into two sippy-cups (Baby Boy hasn’t used bottles in a month, so I’m not regressing just because of formula). It did not look like milk — breast, cow or otherwise. It looked like … white-ish water.
I tasted it to test the temperature and almost gagged. It was like sour pee! I double-checked the expiry date on the can, but it was good for almost another year. Still … why the hell did it taste so disgusting? I had kind of envisioning it tasting like a baby milkshake, or even one of those instant breakfast drinks — gross, but tolerable.
Within minutes of finishing the mixtures, Baby Boy woke up. Darling Husband had just walked through the door, so I sent him into the nursery with a sippy-cup of chalky-looking white water formula. I hovered in the doorway out of eyesight, feeling kind of sad that this was the beginning of the boobie ending, but also kind of proud of myself for … well … getting over myself and giving it a try.
He was back out a couple minutes later, Baby Boy all quiet and tucked back into his crib. “He didn’t want it,” Darling Husband reported, handing me the barely-touched sippy-cup. “He just wanted to be held. I think his teeth are bothering him.”
Are you KIDDING me?
He didn’t WANT it?
After ALL THAT?
Day 2 (Monday) and Day 3 (yesterday) were not any better. I continued breastfeeding as usual, but offered him some formula in a sippy-cup a few times each day. He drank maaaaybe four or five mouthfuls, once, and took only one sip every other time. Not that I blame him — that sh-t is NASTY!
Now I am kind of … puzzled. I got all riled up over the idea of giving him formula, and it (stupidly) never occurred to me that he WOULDN’T take it easily. I finally want to get this process going, and there is a roadblock I never expected.
Do I try a different brand? I have a different can sitting in my cupboard, too — Nestle Good Start (pictured here) — so maybe that one will taste better? Or is formula SUPPOSED to taste and look that gross?
Boobs are much less complicated.
One and a half men
I recently took on a work-from-home project that required me to work out of the home for two days in one week.
It was very strange be with away from Baby Boy for an eight-hour day and a ten-hour-day (with three days at home in between luckily!), but I think it was good for both of us. It reminded me how to wear earrings and talk like a real person, and it showed him that there is more to life than clinging to Mama.
My mom and Darling Husband’s mom took babysitting shifts on that first day, but on the second day I was out working (the ten-hour-day), I was SO happy that Darling Husband would be able to spend the whole day with Baby Boy.
This was a big deal.
He had never spent more than 45 minutes alone with Baby Boy, except for occasions when I was in the tub or sleeping. It’s not that he wouldn’t or couldn’t do it — it’s just that when he’s not at work, we do things together as a family. Just try tearing me away from the guy!
So I went to work. Daddy stayed with Baby. I received a couple of texts throughout the day saying that everything was going fine, but I still wondered how it was really going. Was Baby Boy missing me? Was he being fussy or difficult? Was Darling Husband getting frustrated? Oh God, I didn’t lay out clothes — what would he dress him in???
How did it all go?
I got my answer at dinner that night.
When my darling son ignored me.
Ignored ME!
Let me back up. As soon as I got home from work, I smothered my little cuddle-bear in kisses and hugs. He was smiling and happy to see me, and seemed fine. His clothes even matched! Then we immediately went out to a quickie restaurant for dinner — um, as in fast food … not quick sex in the bathroom.
Anyway, I settled Baby Boy in a high chair while Darling Husband got our salads bacon cheeseburgers. I gave Baby Boy a cracker and a cup of breast milk (he’d eaten his dinner before I got home), and we all started to chow down.
And my son ignored me!
He literally turned himself in his high chair so he was facing Darling Husband, and just kept beaming up at him. Beaming! He kept grabbing at Darling Husband’s arm and trying to pull him closer. When Darling Husband — who was also juggling a bacon cheeseburger — leaned toward him, Baby Boy covered him with his trademark open-mouth sloppy kisses.
It. Was. So. CUTE!
In the interest of full disclosure, sure, a tiny part of me felt left out. I mean, I’d been gone all freakin’ day, and my baby isn’t even looking in my direction!
But seeing him positively BEAM up at his daddy, and seeing Darling Husband all pleased with the attention, and knowing that they really did have a wonderful day spending time alone together …
… the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen! I hope I never forget that moment.
Tiny techies
Baby Boy is obsessed with computers.
He is constantly crawling over to our desk, pulling himself up, and banging his fat little fists on the keyboard. I don’t really care if I’m not using it, but when I am trying to type something, I get all kinds of nkvfdif2039821jd3284 crap in the middle of an email.*
The other day I let him play with a (shut down) laptop for a minute, and he went crazy pounding the keys with this cute little concentrated look on his face. Then he started moving the screen up and down like he was opening and closing it. He was in heaven!
Do we have a future Steve Jobs on our hands? Oh, wait — now I sound like one of those parents who think their kid will be the next Sidney Crosby just because they once picked up a hockey stick and IT WAS THE CUTEST THING EVAAAAAH.
*It pains me to type “email” instead of “e-mail,” but a few days ago it officially changed, so I (nerdishly) have to comply. The former copy editor in me is weirded out by this, but must follow CP/AP Style. It’s going to take some practice to get used to it.
When it’s over …
How do you know when you should stop breastfeeding?
When do the health benefits of breastfeeding stop?
What is a good age to wean your baby?
I have been going Google crazy, people. Those are just a few of the search topics I’ve been pounding out in the last few weeks.
You see, I have learned a lot about breastfeeding in these nearly-ten months.
Mainly that breastfeeding becomes a HUGE part of your life.
Not in a bad way, but just in an all-consuming way.
It’s obsessive.
In the beginning, you go crazy over trying to do it right, get the proper latch, get over the initial pain, adjust to the nonstop feedings — all while feeling so tired that you just can’t stop sobbing.
Once you’ve gotten the hang of it, it’s an easy, regular part of your day … but it still defines your day. You get used to feeling always on-call. You get used to the invisible tether that ties your knockers to your baby. It doesn’t hurt anymore, and it becomes so casual that you can play Wii while breastfeeding … uh, for example.
As long as you are breastfeeding, when you go out (with or without your baby), your boobs must be considered — either pumped first, or properly dressed for easy-access. You must always be thinking about the boobs! Almost ten months later, I’m still always thinking about the boobs! (And admiring them, too, if I’m being totally honest.)
Here is the thing: I don’t know when to stop breastfeeding.
I have Googled.
I have discussed.
I have had soul-searching innner dialogues!
I just can’t decide!
Here are the basic facts (and some random background info):
- You are “supposed to” breastfeed for six months, and it is “recommended” to breastfeed until 12 months
- Baby Boy is almost 10 months old. He eats plenty of solids. He crawls and walks. He is not losing interest in nursing AT ALL, the way babies supposedly do at this age. He has not slept more than three hours at a stretch, um, like ever.
- Don’t let the cloth-diapering, and baby-food-making fool you. I am not a hippie — I don’t even recycle. But I was surprised by how much I enjoyed breastfeeding.
- Just like I was about disposable diapers, I am super, super stubborn about this, and no one thinks I will/can/should continue breastfeeding — so, of course, that makes me want to continue!
- Darling Husband does not want me to breastfeed past 12 months (I don’t, either), but babies need either breast milk or formula until at least 12 months, so going straight to cows’ milk now is not an option
I am caught between wanting to give my baby the very best and do what’s medically “right” (and I use that term very loosely), wanting to respect my husband’s opinion, wanting my own body back (not to mention my fertility), and wanting to stick to my stubborn “He’s-never-had-formula-EVER” thing.
The way I see it, I have three options:
- Continue exclusive breastfeeding until 12 months.
- Pros: Pride that I breastfed for the full year, as recommended — and got my “golden boobies.” Petty, stubborn pride that Baby Boy never had to have any formula.
- Cons: Continue to be a zombie who never gets more than two or three hours’ sleep at a time. Continue to feel a self-conscious when nursing in public because he’s so big and active.
- Begin gradual weaning to formula by 12 months.
- Pros: By giving some formula at bedtime, he might sleep longer — even if he doesn’t, I will feel more confident letting him cry a bit because I will know his tummy is more “full.” Can possibly hang onto breastfeeding (even 1-2 times a day) until the 12-month mark.
- Cons: Don’t get to say that he never had formula. Possibility that giving him formula weans him before the 12-month mark, and I don’t achieve golden boobies.
- Wean to strictly formula now.
- Pros: Have my body back very soon. Be proud that I breastfed for 10-ish months.
- Cons: No golden boobies. May regret that I didn’t stick it out for these two more months. Formula might be less convenient (more work!) than breastfeeding. May chunk up because breastfeeding won’t be burning calories anymore.
So, of course, the logical solution is to get MORE opinions! …
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Heather's Handmade Life 