This, right here, is the strangest, most annoying sort of plague.
It’s not as terrible as the stomach flu, of course — DEAR GOD, NOTHING IS THAT BAD — but it’s lasting a heck of a lot longer. And the way it comes and goes is very screwy.
It started with a headache on Thursday — the very first day of school. A headache that came on suddenly and had me seeing shimmering things in my vision, which told me it was likely a migrane. I had to skip Zumba and went to bed ridiculously early. Darling Husband was weak and feverish and that should have been a sign of what was coming, but it wasn’t.
Friday and Saturday, I felt off. I went to Zumba (kids and puppy in tow, THAT WAS FUN LET ME TELL YOU) but felt weak and couldn’t really give it my all. We drove into the city for D to attend a birthday party, and I felt exhausted. The kids stayed in the city for a sleepover with my mom, and I numbly drove home.
Saturday evening and most of Sunday passed in a blurry haze of painting lots of furniture and binging Stranger Things on Netflix (which is excellent, BTW). I was tired. I was coughing. I had a fever off and on, I think. I don’t know, I was mostly focused on the show. D’s cough was back, according to Mom, and his appetite was gone.
I slept 10 hours each night, Saturday and Sunday, and still felt exhausted. I was crazy-sick on Monday and had full-out fever hallucinations that night. The puppy was chewing my hair and I thought she was “doing her job” of yanking out doll legs that were tangled inside of it, so it took quite a while for me to realize that, no, she shouldn’t be attacking my hair actually.
I cancelled a city visit on Tuesday because I couldn’t handle 3+ hours of driving. I kept D home from school because he was hacking and feverish and we had all full-out “sick day.” They made jets out of cardboard and crayons. We watched both Batman and Batman Returns because I’d been thinking he might be old enough. He loved them and Charlotte even enjoyed most of them (leaving for the scary parts). No nightmares so far, thank God.
Yesterday (Wednesday) D was full of energy (still coughing, though) and I felt pretty great, other than my own lingering cough. We had a busy day with tons of “firsts” so I was relieved. First morning of volunteering at D’s school breakfast program. C’s first morning of preschool. C’s first ballet class. Everything went fine and I got my work done, and then my body took a nosedive just before dinner.
I slumped down on the living room carpet and realized my whole body was aching, again. My head was hot and my body was freezing. I wrapped myself in a quilt and lay down on the floor for a good 30 minutes before I could drag myself upstairs. Once again, I was in bed for the night at 5:30 p.m. I was so hot that everything I touched felt like ice. Then I thought I was feeling cooler and it turned out I was more feverish than ever.
And that’s when my children decided to spice things up with a little sleepwalking. I tweeted it in a feverish haze because I wasn’t really sure if it was actually happening …
Not sure if it’s a fever hallucination but I just stumbled upon one of my kids asleep on the can with their face mashed against the TP roll.— Heather Laura Clarke (@HFXHeather) September 14, 2016
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… there was a tiff from the other kid who suddenly (also half-asleep) needed to go …— Heather Laura Clarke (@HFXHeather) September 14, 2016
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… Then I witnessed the boy child press his hands on the seat, stand far back, and pee in the most leaned-over weirdness I’ve ever seen.— Heather Laura Clarke (@HFXHeather) September 14, 2016
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Everything is hot and everything I touch is so cold so I’m gonna shlep off into this fever now. I’ll be back if my kids do more weirdness. 🤒— Heather Laura Clarke (@HFXHeather) September 14, 2016
//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js Sooooooooo that brings us to today, Thursday — one week after it all began. I feel good, other than the occassional hacking cough. Normally this would be call for celebration, but this WEIRD ASS FLU is probably going to creep up on me later today.
I don’t trust it. It’s possibly never going to go away. Maybe I should just get used to on-and-off fever and chills. It could be my new thing — the sweaty, shaky look?
DID I MENTION ALL OF THIS IS HAPPENING MERE WEEKS BEFORE WE GET OUR ANNUAL FLU SHOT???
It is a strange day when your child can suddenly out-eat you — a grown adult. I always knew it was coming, but I never thought it would happen at the age of six.
Our son was a year and half when his little sister was born, so for years they’ve always been similar sizes and eaten similar portions. Their plates have looked virtually identical, right down to the way foods are chopped or halved. When we ate in restaurants, they either shared a meal or we ended up bringing a ton of food home for the next day (#winning).
Lately, though, there’s been a big change in their appetites. They’re no longer little carbon copies of each other, and the gap between four-and-a-half and six feels wider.
Our eldest is a good (if slightly picky) eater and a genuine fan of sitting down to a hearty meal. He’ll tuck into a bowl of pasta or a plate of chicken, rice and veggies with gusto, and then have seconds — maybe thirds — along with a couple glasses of milk.
He’s surpassed me this summer, eating more at just about every meal. Everyone keeps saying it must be a growth spurt, but … I don’t think he’s growing? His size six jeans are still falling off him, even with those annoying waist-cinchers as tight as they can go.
Our youngest, though, is not a fan of mealtime these days. If she had her way, she’d happily graze on little snacks all the livelong day. Every 30 minutes, ideally. We have daily battles over the fact that, no, she’s not having a snack at 4:30 p.m. Or five minutes after dinner is over.
While she is certainly a more adventurous eater, her delicate appetite is looking positively toddler-like compared to the teenager-sized one across the table at her brother’s place.
I don’t know whether it’s out of habit or nostalgia, but I still find myself serving them identical little portions. Three pancakes each, and he’ll ask for seconds while she only manages one. A banana muffin each, and suddenly he’s polished off the container full of them. A slice of pizza each, and she stops halfway through and he plows through FIVE MORE SLICES.
(Meanwhile I’ve stopped at three slices and am marvelling over how he’s doing it. Where it is all going?! Most importantly, why isn’t he getting any bigger?!)
It’s hard for your brain to catch up sometimes, after years of cutting chicken and steak into little bites. Slicing grapes and baby carrots down the middle so they’re not choking hazards. Peeling the skin off apples and arranging the thin slivers around the edge of the plate.
How does that morph into making them huge sandwiches between meals? Making pre-practice meals to fuel them up and then post-practice meals because they’re starving again? Running out of milk in a day because someone drank most of a carton without realizing it?
Whenever I see my teenaged nephews, I ask them what they’ve eaten so far that day because it’s kind of fascinating. Breakfast was pretty light, one explained to me the other day — toast, cereal and yogurt. Lunch wound up being a foot-long sub, two loaded tacos and a big ol’ serving of nachos. Woah.
You hear parents moan about the work and expense of feeding these hungry tweens and teens, and they’re not joking. I just sat down and made a full-week grocery list that included everything we needed for school lunches and snacks, and I can’t imagine how much pricier it’s going to get in a few years.
While I’m calculating — and plotting out a massive backyard garden to sustain us through the Hungry Hungry Teen Years — I should also be baking muffins because we’re out already. Again.
Last month I shared the HUGE transformation of painting our hutches white, but this the final part of that story: a built-in desk squeezed into the tiny nook left on that wall.
It was wasted space, really. We had one main hutch, a second hand-me-down hutch (both pretty much loaded with the kids’ art supplies rather than dishes), and a 24” gap. A space like that isn’t good for much, except maybe a fiddle-leaf fig. (I’m working on keeping practice plants alive at the moment.)


I’ve always stored my Chromebook in the top drawer of the main hutch, and then just set it up on the dining room table whenever I needed it. But then the power cord stretched across the room, and tripping hazards are never good in a house with little kids and clumsy adults.
This was before I got my very own power tools for my birthday, so my handy husband whipped up a simple desktop out of 2x4s. Since space was at a premium, he used brackets to secure it to the wall so it only needed two slim legs at the front.

“Do you recognize these?” he said, pointing to the dark wood legs like they were supposed to be familiar. “They’re from the crib.”
The crib that we converted into a bench TWO YEARS AGO, if you’ll recall, and apparently these pieces were taken off in the process. Yes, he really does save every scrap of wood in case it can come in handy someday!

I painted the desk the same colour I’d just done the hutches (Fusion Mineral Paint in “Casement” white), and we already had a chair that fit nearly under it — although I’m looking around for a new one. Then I drilled a small plastic basket (from the Dollar Store) underneath the desk to hold the computer cords so they wouldn’t droop everywhere.
I needed fairly narrow artwork for above the desk, so I rummaged in my DIY closet (it’s under the basement stairs — very glamorous) and found an old pink-painted frame. After a few coats of “Casement,” it looked great above the desk framing a white, yellow and pale blue paper cut-out.

The final step was setting up the World’s Smallest Desk. I snagged a lamp from our basement with a fairly slim base so it didn’t take up valuable real estate, and spray-painted a black plastic pencil cup to give it an aged gold look. The desk is so small that our mousepad looked like a black hole, so I ended up cutting it down and recovering it with a pretty grey-patterned fabric.

Having a “kitchen desk” is really practical, I’ve discovered, so now I understand why they’re built into so many new homes. I’ve found myself sitting down to send emails or finish up assignments while also keeping an eye on something in the oven or on the stove.

The kids have enjoyed it even more, though, because it’s given them more opportunities to play Starfall (a great educational site for preschoolers and kindergarteners). I love seeing them cozied up together on the single chair, counting out loud and clicking on different letters … until it inevitably turns to fighting over turns, of course.
Let’s hear it for the hardest-working 24” in the house!
Primary blew by at the speed of light, and suddenly there was a little boy — a BIG little boy with a brand-new haircut — standing eagerly at the bus stop ready for Grade 1.
I’m so eager for D to get home so I can find out what Grade 1 was like.
I hope his teacher loves him the way I want her to (i.e. explicitly, reverently, madly). I hope he was polite and quiet and made a good impression. I hope the questionably-behaved kids are in another class so they don’t leadeth him into temptation. I hope he didn’t feel like he’s forgotten everything over the summer (he … he possibly has?). I hope he gets off the bus grinning and full of stories.
I can’t believe we’re just a year away from having both kids in elementary school — one in Grade 2, one in Primary.
Instead of the 6.5 hours I’ll start having as of next week, when C starts preschool again, I’ll have … wait for it … 27.5 hours every single week in which to work, all alone, in a quiet house.
I know, I know. It’s still a YEAR away, and I don’t want to wish away this time — my last year with a little one at home — but …
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… it’s still going to be pretty rad.
I was holding the warm blanket-wrapped bundle in my arms when my husband came home from work. He dared to ask how the second evening with our third baby had gone, and the floodgates opened.
“I haven’t had a minute to myself! I’m with her every second! Am I going to have time to sew or paint or do ANYTHING alone ever again?!”
The puppy started licking my neck excitedly and I couldn’t help but kiss her fuzzy head. I remember having exactly the same desperation for alone time twice before.
Wise dog owners told me that having a puppy in the house was like having a newborn, but I thought they were only referring to the lack of sleep. Oh no. It’s much more than that.
Except it’s possibly MORE painful now, because I’ve been spoiled in recent years — having two independent, capable children whom I can trust to do their own thing. We’ve been out of the “baby stage” for a solid two years now, and I’d forgotten how tiring it can be.
I have zero alone time or time with my husband. I literally have not watched an adult TV show because I go to bed at the same time as the kids, knowing I’ll be up a few times in the night. Except instead of breastfeeding and maybe eating a midnight snack, I’m standing in the front yard in my PJs — waving to the startled deer across the street.
My husband was firm that we make Annabelle sleep in her crate overnight, while others convinced me she’d sleep better in our bed. Even though I was totally against co-sleeping with our human children — every stir woke me up — I guiltily welcomed our puppy into bed from the very first night. (Thank God for husbands who work night shifts, huh?) She’s been a dream to snuggle with, even when she wraps her fuzzy body around my neck like a travel pillow.
I can’t get anything done! Although at least while I was breastfeeding, I could watch TV or eat a snack. Nowadays I’m standing in our yard, poo-bag in hand, coaxing a 4 lb. fuzzball to do her business. I am, however, getting a lot more fresh air. When she’s bigger than a hamster, I’ll also be getting more exercise since we’ll be going on actual walks.
Going places used to be a breeze, especially since both kids can buckle themselves and the eldest can open and close the sliding door of the van. But the kid and I had to run errands less than 24 hours after getting Annabelle, and the experts said not to leave her at home in her crate for the first few days. What were we supposed to do?
I ended up wedging her not-meant-to-be-mobile crate into the passenger seat — oh, the memories of dragging around those heavy bucket car seats — and she quietly curled up on her blanket while we drove through town. Dogs aren’t allowed in most stores, unlike babies (who are happily accepted everywhere except nice restaurants). I couldn’t leave the dog in the hot car and I certainly couldn’t leave the dog AND the children waiting outside of the store. It felt like that river-crossing puzzle about the chicken, the fox and the bag of grain!
In the end, I picked super-small stores and waited right outside the door with Annabelle, sending my children in with a $20 bill to get whatever we needed. They were overjoyed with the responsibility of going in alone and keep begging to do it again. (I also bought a doggie carrier that looks like a gym bag which will apparently allow me to bring Annabelle into certain stores.)
If she looks like she’s squatting to pee, I need to see that and swoop her outside. If she gnaws on the kitchen stools or the dining room chairs or the coffee table — seriously, is she part beaver? — I need to distract her with a chew toy. It’s exactly like supervising a baby that’s into everything!
With babies, though, you can stick them in a bouncy chair, Jumperoo or Circle of Neglect (i.e. Exersaucer) and bring them around the house with you. Not so much with puppies — at least not yet. I’ve read that you’re supposed to introduce new areas of your house slowly so they don’t get overwhelmed. Our main level is the only puppy-proof, carpet-free area so that’s where I’m spending 95 per cent of my life these days.
(My favourite place in the house, my office/studio, is a death-trap because the floor is littered with bobbins, scraps of fabric, bits of paper and probably a dozen pins. I’m either going to need to morph into a tidy creator or never, ever bring her in there.)
When she finally crawls into her crate and closes her sleepy eyes, I’m elated that I have half an hour in which I don’t have to watch her every minute. I get a bit nuts about it, too, especially when my four-year-old and six-year-old DARE to wake the sleeping baby.
“Shhhh! Please! Just let her sleep!” I’ll plead from the kitchen, when I’m washing dishes, loading the dishwasher and making dinner as quickly as I can. Those thirty minutes are pure gold.
Annabelle is barely eight weeks old and I know things will get easier, just like it does with babies. She’ll learn to stop chewing the trim, we’ll be able to crate her when we go out, and our lives will settle into a new normal.