Horrifying entries from my Grade 2 journal
We’ve been helping my mom sort through 23+ years of “stuff,” which means we’ve spent a lot of time going through boxes and finding fun bits of memorabilia: photos, old school papers, and cards we wrote her in wobbly, little-kid writing.
My favourite thing that we’ve found so far has been my school journal from Grade 2. In 1991, I was a precocious seven-year-old who clearly liked to write.
Some of the entries have been hilarious, and I can’t believe my poor mom had to face dear old Mrs. Coleman on Parent/Teacher nights.
Here are a few verbatim excerpts from my seven-year-old mind, with blue text to clarify the really misspelled words (and red text where I’m like OMG HOW DID I WRITE THAT???)
Sharing personal details …
- “Did you know my parents boke up?”
- “I used to live in Fall River but I was at my dads when mummy moved.” Jeez, I make it sound like she packed up and skipped town without us.
- “My mommy mite get marred to Gary.” (She didn’t.)
- “My daddy lives in Truro. Mummy and Daddy got davorsted (divorced) after my sister was born and my mom started going out with this other guy and Daddy started going out with this other girl. And then Mummy fell in love with gary. Dad fell in love with Debbie so when Daddy is off for work we go to his house for the weekand.” (Teacher’s response: “I enjoy shopping up in Truro.”)
Telling tales on my poor mother …
- “Last night I watched Peter Pan tell 9:00 becase mummy fell asleep on the couch.” Sorry Mom.
- “Last night me and my sister and steven and peter jumped on my mummys bed and we locked each other in the cupbord and we watched TV and when were jumping on moms bed we wached E.T. and Cinderella and we steped on eachothers heads and we screamed and yelled and then steven and peter went home and I went to bed. But when I woke up in the morning I did not want to get up.” (Teacher’s response: “Oh, you shouldn’t jump on beds. You could get hurt.”)
- “We did not paint easter eggs at my house because my mom came home at 2:00 on Easter Sunday so we couldn’t.” Poor little girl, no parents on Easter morning. No painted eggs. Shed a tear for small Heather — it’s what she wants.
- “I have two louse teeth and a bad coff. Mommy let’s me drink tea.”
Random lines that sound like I was writing a blog …
- “I am hot, are you? I am thersitea (thirsty).” (Teacher’s response: “No.”)
- “I can’t thingk of anything els to say so, bye.”
Sucking up …
- “Did you know what, I finished my Nancy Drew book. it is a twelw year old book.” Reading five years ahead, and damn proud of it. *smh*
- “Am I writeing alot? ______” (Teacher’s response: “Yes.”)
- “Last night I dident get very much sleep so today I might be a bit tied but I will still do all my work on time. How was your weekand?” (Teacher’s response: “You write wonderful journals, Heather.”) Damn straight, I do.
- “The singing in the gymnaysem was exsalent.”
- “I am teaching my little sister how to ride her tricle and she is doing great for a beginner.” She sucks compared to me, of course, but for a BEGINNER, she is OK I guess.
- “On May 11th I am making my first camenoun (First Communion). I will be receiving the body of crist.” What a pious little girl I am … (Follow-up entries were all about the sweets tables at the First Communion)
- “I missed you when you were gone away. Where did you go? The subdatoots (substitutes) were ok but they were not perfect.” (Teacher’s response: “Remember no one is perfect. I was away because my mother was very sick and she died. At times I still feel very sad, but I am glad to be back at school now.”)
- “The wallathon was great everybody had a good time.” (#brownnoser)
Different career ambitions …
- When I grow up I want to work at a pet store.” WHAT? I DID?
- “When I grow up I am going to be a dentist. I didnent want to be a doctor because their is 23 years of teaching school. I already know alot about bruching teeth. I will explane. You should bruch you teeth three times a day. You should flass onec a day.”
- “When I grow up I am going to be an auther or an actrise.”
- When I grow I think I will be an auther.” (Teacher’s response: “Do you like to write?”) No, I hate it. I just think being an “auther” will be really lucracative and there surely won’t be any rejection, either.
Sharing bizarre happenings …
- “In Steven Manns treat bag he gave at his part thir are some ugly stick on finger nayels. This is what they look like.” *drawing of finger nails, which are part of my Halloween costume of a witch*
- “When my toe nayle came off I didn’t know it was going to feel that, all I felt was a pinch.” Yuck, thanks for sharing, seven-year-old me.
- “For Christmas Mommy got me a realy sowing (sewing) mashinene but when she tryed it it did not sow well and it was loud so she toke it back to th store.” I had a sewing machine when I was seven! I don’t remember that.
- “Yesterday Leah and Lyndsay came over to my house. We played barbies and we played “Laugh your head of” and “Funny faces.” Lyndsay died out laughing at my jokes. We couldn’t get Leah to laugh very loud. She didn’t think my jokes were very funny. Then we played parorts and we climbed the fence.”
- “Here is some even numbers: 024681012.” Well, that was random.
- “I have two New Kids on the block tapes and one scribller. Turn the page.” (Teacher’s response: “Wow!”)
- “Can Lyndsay move inbetwine brett and I because he looks all over my work and burps all the time. Believe me, he is not fun to sit by. He talks and he’s nosey.” (Teacher’s response: “Sure, she can.”) Yeah, I do remember being especially grossed out by boys in Grade 2. Poor Brett.
Early attempts at creative writing and using big words …
- “Here is a Halloween pom: Halloween is fun but it has no sun, it’s at night, when it’s dark outside. Pumpkins sing a song like that. Children song, bells go cling, at Halloween night.” (Teacher’s response: “A nice idea!”) Worst. Poem. Ever.
- “On the weekand I found my cabege pach kid. For Christmas I might be getting a cabge pach baby, so my cabge pach kid will have comepanen.” (companion)
- “Last night I went to my first teaball game. Guess who is on the other team, Cole! I know, it was pretty inbareasing.” (embarrasing)
Signs I was destined to be a reporter …
- “Last year at the Christmas party Lesley skured (scared) frostey the snowman almost out of his costoum!” (Teacher’s response: “What did she do?”)
- “Yesterday we had 27 centimeters of snow. I sleap in this morning and I got up at qurter to eight.”
- “All March Break I was with my Daddy and Debbie and we had an Internaeanal Week. On Monday we had tokos and on Tuesday we had Moshocka (moussaka) and I forget what we had on Wednesday. On Thursday we had spagetitti and meatballs. On Friday Mummy picked us up.”
- “Wes my buddy is very nice. He is 13. His height is 148 cm. His father works with jewery. His mother works at Shoppers Drug Mark.” (According to follow-up entries, Wes was one of the older students that paired up with Grade 2s for special activities. I had a mega-crush on him.)
- “Yesterday my mummy took me and my sister and little cathy to the Maratime Mumciem (museum) in Halafax. We went on the playground and the bad news was cathy lost her contaner (retainer) for her mouth and had to walk all the way around the publik places by the water were we had alrealdy walked when we were done we took her home but it could have bine at McDonalds (I could spell “McDonalds” but I couldn’t spell “been”) or it could have bine at the mumcien. When we got home mum called both those places and they didn’t find it. But I called her contaner a refrigearator.” This could easily have been a very entertaining blog post. Nicely done, little Heather.
Cries for attention …
- “This morning my mother was in a bad mood. She said ‘Heather your a stupied little girl.’ And she ment it to.” (Teacher’s response: “I’m sure she didn’t mean it at all because you certainly are not stupid. Sometimes we all do and say things without thinking carefully.”) Hmm, I wonder if I made that up or not? MOM???
- “Mummy went away yesterday to Montril (Montreal) for two days I will miss her. Last night I wore Mummys night gown and I got a photo of Mummy and me and Daddy and me and a photo of Daddy and Mummy together.”
- “My daddy is gone away for a month!” *drawing of tiny tears*
- “Last night Lesley my sister pooked me in the eye with a book! It hurt alot so thats why I have a pice of wet paper towel on my eye and on Saturday night when we went to IGA my sister scrached my face but I didn’t cry. When she pocked me there was a tiny bump but its going away now.” Did I really go to school with wet paper towel on my face? #dramaqueen
- “On Saturday we went to the Krimmies (Kermesse) fair. My sister and my mummy went on the merry-go-round. I went on the twirl a whorl with another family.” Aww, poor little girl from a broken home! Having to go on rides with other families!
I can’t believe D will be in Grade 2 in less than two and a half years, telling tales on me in his journal. Oh God, what am I going to be reading?!