Attack of the 10-day virus

I’m afraid to type that I’m better now, for fear that it will … *looks over shoulder* … come back for me.

But I have to tell you about the last 10 days* …

*This post is totally not sponsored by Imodium, but they are welcome to send me free boxes of their life-affirming products because I could kiss them right now.

As a wife, I dread my husband getting sick because nobody likes a damn Man Cold.

As a mom, I dread the kids getting sick because it means surely I’ll be sick next.

As a self-employed person** with zero sick days and zero people to cover for me, I dread illnesses like … well, like the plague?

**Yes, I worked through the entire illness, with the exception of rescheduling two calls so they didn’t have to take place in MY BATHROOM. Where’s my medal?

So when D had an, um, stomach-related accident at cheerleading on Sunday, I was immediately like OH NO, WE ALL GONNA GET SICKKKKKK. It’s coming! I know it!

The next 10 days — yes, TEN ENTIRE DAYS — involved at least one of us being very, very ill. I won’t get into the gory details, or specifiy “who did what,” (ew) but just understand that there was throwing up, there were stomach cramps, there were fevers, and there was diarrhea. So, so, so much diarrhea.

(Related: why does my spellcheck want to spell it “diarrhoea”? What’s with the “O” Jeeves?)

My sickbed essentials: dry toast, SATC 2, and Betty & Veronica comics

Darling Husband was the least sick, and I was definitely the most sick (as if it’s a competition?).

We don’t know exactly what we had, but a friend was diagnosed with the nasty H3N1 — which is apparently making the rounds — and we suspect that might have been it. But then other people say that it wasn’t the flu, it was more of a Novovirus, so … who knows? I’ll stick with calling it a stomach virus, because … oh God, it was just the worst in that general region.

The frustrating part was that the kids would be sick, feel fine for a day or two, and then suddenly be sick again. We would think they were past it, and then OH CRAP! SHE’S THROWING UP OVER THE EDGE OF THE GROCERY CART.

(The grocery store incident was all left to poor Darling Husband, as I was too sick to leave the house from Wednesday to … well, I haven’t left yet? But I could have today?)

I’m not sure if there is a point to this post, other than to write you a thorough shopping list of things to keep on hand in case you and your family contact Whatever It Was That We Had:

  • Gatorade for the grown-ups (Orange tastes like watery melted freezies. It’s not good, but it works.)
  • Pedialyte for the kids (Our kids would only drink it mixed with Gataorde, and called the concoation “Special Sick Juice.”)
  • Salted soda crackers (all I ate for days — MyFitnessPal thought I was purposely starving myself)
  • Individual bottles of ginger ale (for when you’re feeling well enough to quit the Gatorade)
  • Pepto-Bismol (to be downed out of desperation)
  • Imodium (let’s just say that WE DIDN’T HAVE ANY for one really terrible, dark night, and I will never again be WITHOUT IT IN MY HOUSE, just in case)

When you’re that sick, all you can do is wish that you felt like your normal self again. It seems like a distant memory, to be eating real food and sitting up without feeling dizzy and not wishing you could hit yourself over the head with a baseball bat to get away from it all.

Now that I’m newly-better, I must say that it feels AMAZING to be a real human again. Although that could also be the two celebratory “I’m-better!” cans of Diet Coke I downed this afternoon.

I think I might put on real clothes*** and actually leave the house tomorrow, and I can’t wait.


*** Well, OF COURSE I meant leggings. What did you think I meant?

So what do you think?

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