Weird work-at-home quirks + hacks
What kinds of quirks? Well, for example …
The solution: Pastel-ize your spreadsheets, calendars, etc. so they don’t crush your dreams.
When I Can Hear Other Humans.
Working at home means I constantly have to tune out the sounds of children — and a husband who coughs far too much. It breaks my concentration and, really, is it so difficult to see the f**king doctor about getting a puffer because YOU NEED TO STOP COUGHING.
The solution: Drown them out. I freaking love this site. You can play around with the dials and customize the white noise to get it jusssst how you like it. (This link will set it to my exact preference. You’re welcome.)
What are your favourite work-at-home hacks? Let me know in the comments or over on Facebook!
Teaching kids telephone basics
It all started with a rotary phone.
Well, a push-button phone styled to look like a rotary phone, anyway. It was bright red and shiny, and I mostly wanted it because it looked awesomely retro on my kitchen counter.
I didn’t have it plugged in at first, but then I realized it would be a good idea to do that so our children could dial 911 in an emergency. Kids today, after all, are excellent at swiping their way around a tablet but stare at you blankly if you hand them a cordless phone.
(They’re lost at the concept of pressing the “Talk” button to get started, and what do you mean there’s no Siri to dial using a voice command?)
So I plugged the pretty red rotary phone into the jack. No power cord required, unlike the rest of the cordless phones scattered throughout the house, since there was no caller ID screen. Back to the basics, I thought, admiring the clunky handle.
At first, we just talked about 911, like when they should call it (“If you’re home alone with Mommy or Daddy and they get hurt, or they fall asleep and can’t wake up”). We unplugged the phone and they practised dialing it. I reiterated the trouble they’d be in if they called it for a joke.
But recently they started showing an interest in making real phone calls — ones that don’t require me or my husband to be unconscious. Phone fever was beginning …
Continue reading in my weekly parenting column, The Mom Scene …
Continue reading in my weekly parenting column, The Mom Scene …
Supersized Lite-Brite wall art
It was at some point after Christmas that I found an extra two boxes of LED tree lights in our basement. They’d never been opened and I didn’t know why we had them, but I certainly didn’t feel like going outside to get the Christmas bin out of storage.
I stood there, holding the boxes, and thought I should make them into something instead. I’d already wrapped an extra set around our daughter’s DIY frame playhouse, and there wasn’t anything else that would look ‘normal’ wrapped in coloured Christmas lights. Hmm.
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| UPDATE: This playhouse has since been dismantled because all of the playhome pieces (kitchen, doll bed, etc.) have been relocated to beneath the new loft bed. Sunrise, sunset. |
I looked across the room and saw a couple of canvas prints someone had given me, knowing I’d turn them into something or just repaint them. I had a total lightbulb (Lite Brite?) moment and decided to turn those strings of lights and the biggest canvas into a little piece of ’80s nostalgia.
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| This canvas needed a new life. |
The first step was painting over the city skyline with matte black paint. I used Fusion Mineral Paint in Coal Black, leftover from when I painted my closet doors.
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| Remember this DIY? |
Once the paint was dry, I actually measured (I know, right?) and drew a grid lightly in pencil so my light bulbs would be evenly spaced. In each intersection, I made a hole — at first with an X-acto knife, and then with a pencil.
It’s easy to poke through canvas, but the trick is not to make too large of a rip.
After I’d punched the grid full of holes, I flipped the canvas over and started poking the lightbulbs through. When I got to the end of a string, I just plugged in another and kept going.
I had so many left over, in fact, that I ended up going back and sticking more bulbs through the spaces in between — making it more like a traditional Lite-Brite.
When every space was filled, I tucked the remaining few bulbs behind the cords (you couldn’t see them through the canvas) and flipped the whole thing back over.
Some of the bulbs were poking straight through, while others were twisting to the sides. I used my glue-gun to fill any large canvas holes, secure the bulbs in place and try to make them as straight as possible.
The final step was taking more black paint and a tiny craft brush to cover up the grid lines. I also painted over any hot-glue globs to disguise them.
When the paint was dry, I carried the canvas down to the playroom and set it on top of a big shelving system we built recently. I leaned it against the wall, hid the power cord, and used a Christmas tree light remote so I could flip the lights on and off without rummaging for the cord.
The result is pretty fantastic light-up art, and it’s perfect for the playroom. The kids get such a kick of turning on “the big Lite-Brite” and playing hide-and-seek in the darkness with it glowing on the wall.
Not bad for a zero-dollar project, and it’s a nice throwback to playtime in the ’90s.
Except now I can’t stop singing the jingle from the commercial. “Lite Brite, Lite Brite! Turn on the magic of shining light!”
Gifts a new mom REALLY wants
Pre-made meals.
I did this once for my sister’s birthday when she was going through a busy period and practically lived at her office. It remains one of the best gifts I ever gave her. I would have LOVED this as a new mom!
A meal subscription service.
Companies like HelloFresh did NOT exist when I had my babies, or I would have been all over it. The idea of not having to drag a newborn out to the grocery store (who am I kidding, we had one vehicle and Darling Husband was always at work, so I didn’t get to go anywhere).
Signing new parents up for a meal subscription service where the ingredients literally show up at their door — along with detailed instructions — would be such a nice gesture.
(I’d wait until the baby was at least six weeks old, though, because those early days are a blur of eating cereal or cheese and crackers for dinner most nights.)
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Healthy grab-and-go snacks.
One of the nicest things Darling Husband did for me, after having our first baby, was leaving little baggies of cut-up pepperoni and cheese in the fridge — and baggies of crackers and cereal on the counter — before he’d leave for back-to-back shifts.
In those very early weeks when it seemed I could NEVER put the baby down and/or get off the couch from endless breastfeeding, those little snack baggies kept me alone.
You could make up some of these cute mason jars of raw veggies with dip, or buy a giant fruit tray and repackage it into smaller portions, and then the new mom can have a quick, healthy make-ya-poop snack to grab on her way back to the couch.
AND BRAN MUFFINS! For real! Bran muffins!
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Restaurant gift certificates.
We were hella-poor when we had D — and when we had C, actually — so eating out was an awesome luxury we couldn’t always afford. We LOVED getting restaurant gift cards, even to fast-food places. (Um, maybe ESPECIALLY to fast food places?)
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Little presents (NOT for the baby).
This was another birthday gift for my Sissy, when she turned 25. It was a bunch of silly, small items like pairs of cozy fuzzy socks, cute underwear, books and treats.
New moms are ALL ABOUT THE BABY and SO IS EVERYONE ELSE. No one cares about them anymore (for real). I love the idea of giving a new mom little pick-me-up gifts she could open when she was having a down moment. Postpartum depression is REAL and so hard.
Nice skincare.
This one sounds random, I know, but it goes with the items above: something to make the new mama’s days a little more pleasant.
I’m a HUGE fan of Vichy and have used their products for more than a decade, at least. A nice moisturizer would be an amazing gift for a new mom who’s feeling gross and unshowered most of the time.
Pretty-smelling bath or shower goodies is another great idea. Those frantic showers when you keep yanking back the curtain to check on the baby? They’re way better with some nice products.
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//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.jsA pretty water bottle (and these instructions).
They tell you to drink lots of water after having a baby so that first poop won’t be quite as bad (*shudder*) and it’s also really important if you’re breastfeeding. Fluids out = fluids need to come in.
But what I only had ONE nurse tell me, interestingly enough, is that the best temperature for that water is “tepid.” Like NO ice cubes and DON’T run the tap until it runs cold. Cold water can actually make it harder for your digestive system to do its thang, whereas tepid water is better for keeping things moving.
So slap a Post-It note on that pretty new water bottle and remind your new-mama friend to drink TEPID WATER. She’ll thank you for it.
//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.jsThis pale pink Kate Spade New York water bottle is my favourite. I love it.
A date night.
It might be a while before the new parents feel up to leaving their baby behind — or maybe it’ll only be a few days, if their baby is particularly awful. (JK)
But a gift certificate for a date night is always appreciated. Sometimes knowing it’s free is the kick in the pants you need to GET OUT and spend time together, away from the bambino.
Movie money, theatre gift certificates, hotel vouchers — anything that doesn’t commit them to a particular day, so they don’t feel pressured to leave the baby on a night they’re not ready.
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Leggings.
After all, it’s her new uniform.
When you kind of hate your child’s glasses
I knew the results of the eye exam before Dr. Lai said a word.
I’d never seen my daughter scrunch up her face that tightly. She pursed her lips and leaned forward, squinting hard at the screen like she was in a make-a-funny-face contest.
We’d known, going into All About Eyecare that morning, that glasses were a very real possibility. She’d been squinting at the TV and trying to put her face too close to the iPad. My husband and I had exchanged looks as we told her, for the thousandth time, to back up because she was hurting her eyes. Something was up.
So when Dr. Lai calmly announced we’d go to another room and dilate Charlotte’s eyes so she could determine her prescription, it was the moment we’d been waiting for — except I’d been waiting for a big dramatic announcement.
“You tell her,” I said. “She’ll be really excited. She’s wanted this.”
When Dr. Lai told her she’d be getting glasses, Charlotte’s face lit up like she’d been awarded her very own pony.
“Mom!” she squealed. “I get my glasses!”
“I know! I’m so excited!” I squealed back, hugging her like she’d gotten a medal. “I can’t wait to see which ones you pick out!”
Dr. Lai seemed surprised by my giddy reaction and told me so. Apparently, parents are often disappointed or annoyed when their child needs glasses, which makes it a negative experience for everyone.
“Oh, no. The glasses might be U-G-L-Y,” I spelled cheerfully as Charlotte joyfully skipped around. “I don’t L-O-V-E them on K-I-D-S. But I’m so excited.”
I wasn’t at all excited about the idea of a little pair of glasses. I was just being Super Happy Positive Mommy so that it was a big, exciting, wonderful day instead of a scary, strange day with eye drops that kind of hurt.
The next little while was a blur — a literal blur for poor Charlotte and her giant pupils — while we browsed the glasses selection and got her prescription. She tried on pair after pair in the mirror and I complimented her on each one.
Picking out glasses for a teeny tiny person is not easy. Everything seemed huge on her little face! The black ones were kind of hipster-cool, but they overpowered her features. She ended up choosing a mostly-pink pair for “every day” and a purple pair for “special occasions.”
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(Yes, glasses are expensive, but it’s strongly recommended that kids have two pairs in case one gets lost or broken. I thought about it for a second before deciding that made a lot of sense.)
We all celebrated Charlotte’s new glasses over lunch in the restaurant next door to the optometrist. Well, three of us celebrated. Our son was crying because he was jealous he had perfect eyesight and didn’t need glasses. (He only stopped when I hissed that glasses are actually annoying and that I’d take away his TV privileges if he ever told his sister I said that.)
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She was wearing them full time about a week later. We quickly learned to make sure a pair was safely tucked into my jewelry box at all times, in case the in-use pair was misplaced, but what took longer was adjusting to our daughter’s new look.
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It was strange to see her look so unlike herself. She didn’t look like our little girl anymore. She was like the funny-but-geeky character in a kids’ movie about summer camp or a ragtag baseball team. She was no longer a Matilda; she was the nerdy-cute bespeckled Lavender, the sidekick …
Read the full story in my weekly parenting column, The Mom Scene …
Read the full story in my weekly parenting column, The Mom Scene …
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