Wordless Wednesday
I have been listening to this song on repeat lately …
Sweet Dreams
by Jewel
The shadows are waltzing
The moon beams are calling
Like a dream I am falling into
Silver threads lined with two twinkling stars seem
To shine just for you
The moon beams are calling
Like a dream I am falling into
Silver threads lined with two twinkling stars seem
To shine just for you
Behind your eyes
Are endless blue skies
You travel places I want to come to
Each breath that you breathe is a brush stroke
That leads me to you
So, sleep
Fall into night’s indigo hue
Believe me it’s true
There’s nothing that I would not do
For my dream is sweet dreams for you
It seems far away
But there once was a day
It was grey in a world without you
To this heart like a dove from above
A miracle of your love found me
So, sleep
Fall into night’s indigo hue
Believe me it’s true
There’s nothing that I would not do
For my dream is sweet dreams for you
So hush-a-by
And don’t you cry
Sweetly dream, little baby
Yes, sleep
Lose yourself in night’s sender, go you
Believe me it’s true
There’s nothing that I would not do
For my dream is sweet dreams
Yes, my dream is sweet dreams for you
Oh, the guilt … the guilt …
I have heard about “mother’s guilt.” But I thought that started when you actually were a mother.
I always thought I would be one of those mothers who was vigilant about not doing anything bad during their pregnancy. I would not touch Diet Coke. I would not let alcohol touch my lips. I would run away screaming if someone smoked nearby.
Um …
Here is a brief list of all of the “feel-so-guilty” things I have done (and not done) in the last week — which could wind up being Week 3 of my pregnancy:
- Drank “silver-label” Diet Coke (caffeine and aspartame)
- Drank “gold-label” Diet Coke (aspartame)
- Ate pepperoni (processed meat)
- Drank tea (caffeine)
- Forgot to take my prenatal vitamin on Saturday and Sunday
- Drank one sip of champagne at the hair salon — with the rest of the bridal party — before remembering
- Drank three sips of champagne, just hours later, while getting dressed
- Drank yet another three sips of champagne, during the toasts
- Sat near some of the bridal party while they were smoking cigarettes outside the reception (I waved the smoke away)
- Did not really eat any vegetables or fruit for four days
- Did not drink milk (calcium) for two days
- Ate a Wendy’s Baconator — plus fries and a whack of chips — for dinner on Sunday
That’s quite a list, isn’t it? Every time I would forget and pick up a Diet Coke, Darling Husband would shoot me this “Are-you-sure-you-should-be-drinking-that?” look. It was cute of him to be concerned, so I would finish it and then switch to water.
But part of me was just annoyed with this “maybe” phase. Sure, once I am actually pregnant, I will not order Diet Coke, or regular tea — at least not regularly. But I might not be yet.
As the weekend went on, I felt more like I was probably hallucinating those symptoms, I found it seemed silly not to have a Diet Coke. It became a conflicted inner monologue, every time I was asked for my drink order.
This month might be my last chance to have it for a while!
But it might already be too late. Maybe I shouldn’t.
It’s not a martini — it’s a soft drink! Have one.
But I feel SO GUILTY.
Thinking back to my trusty guide, it said a lot of stuff like “Oh? You smoked crack before knowing you were pregnant? No biggie! Just lay off the crack for now.”
So really, a few sips of champagne, a few Diet Cokes, and a weekend of general unhealthy eating is not a big deal.
It sure isn’t crack!
What a weekend!
So Best Friend (not pictured here) got married on Saturday afternoon — congrats!!! — and everything went off without a hitch. She looked absolutely gorgeous, we stayed on schedule, and everyone kept commenting that it was the most fun wedding they had ever attended. Success!
Didn’t mean to leave you hanging with that last post. The truth is, it might be a good thing I didn’t bet any real money on it. I think my 80% suspicion has dropped to about 50% — for the time being, at least.
I felt horrible — really horrible — right up until Thursday afternoon, when Best Friend’s wedding festivities kicked off. I spent part of Thursday, all of Friday and Saturday, and part of Sunday completely in bridal mode. It was like being on another planet, where all I cared about were dinners and tailors and schedules and emergency lip balm.
Things quieted down last night, and then I started to feel a bit blah again. But I honestly don’t know if I didn’t feel any symptoms over the weekend because I was truly too distracted, or if the “symptoms” were only pre-wedding jitters.
So now, I am back in limbo. Am I? Am I not? I’m getting pretty tired of this “maybe” game.
Bet on it
If I was a betting woman — which I am most definitely not — I would bet that I am probably pregnant. Probably.
I would probably put 80% of my money on red … or black, or whatever meant that I was pregnant.
Because if I am not … then it means I am sick. I am definitely something.
I felt gross and nauseous yesterday, and feel the same today. The metallic taste and saliva-overload is now in Day Three. I also had a bit of a dizzy spell while picking up wrapping paper for Best Friend’s wedding gifts.
I have been downing lemonade and sucking on mints and orange Vitamin C drops to help with the ickiness. I have no appetite, and at this very moment, Darling Husband is eating my delicious homemade pizza, and I am eating … oh yeah … crackers and Ginger Ale. Seriously. It is all I felt like having.
Something is up. And that isn’t even the hypochondriac in me talking. It is either the flu, a long-lasting bout of low blood sugar, nerves about the wedding, or … the very, very early stages of pregnancy.
10 more days until I can find out for sure!
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Heather's Handmade Life 