Steppin’ out, with my baby
I’m going to a family gathering tonight over at Darling Husband’s parents’ place.
Darling Husband will not be there because he is constantly working he has to work tonight.
I love these kinds of get-togethers, for several reasons:
- I get out of the house
- I get to have adult conversation
- I love seeing Baby Boy interact with his cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and even great-grandparents
- I get to eat dinner that I haven’t cooked
- There is always dessert
- They are thoughtful enough to provide caffeine-free tea for me
There is only one downside to these get-togethers: they happen in the evenings.
Evenings are tricky, and if you have a baby, you understand that. I get really nervous taking Baby Boy places after 6 p.m., because that’s when he starts to get tired and cranky. And I don’t want him to be tired and cranky in front of people, because … well, I want him to be cute and friendly in front of people!
It’s very touch-and-go, these dinners. Sometimes he’s an angel, and is smiling and happy right up to the 8 p.m. mark. Then he starts to get a bit cranky, and POOF! We’re usually able to leave quickly, and he is tired but quiet during the ride home.
Other times, he’s crabby from 6 p.m. on. He doesn’t want to play with his cousins. He doesn’t want other people to hold me. He just wants me. And by the time we are getting a ride home — Darling Husband isn’t usually at these dinners, so Baby Boy and I are riding with my sister-in-law or brother-in-law — he’s screaming off and on. I hate inflicting that on other people, especially in the tight quarters of a car. I don’t want my baby to be the cause of people getting a headache!
I know that we’re talking about family, here, and that they aren’t going to think badly of Baby Boy (or me) for his crankiness. But I still find myself wanting him to be in a good mood, for all of our sakes. I find myself thinking that if he doesn’t behave, it reflects badly on me.
I have learned, though, that I can’t control how these evenings go. All I can do is make sure he naps well during the day, is well-fed, and bring along lots of milk and toys to keep him happy. I’m going to try to stop stressing out about this, and reminding myself that HE’S A BABY. Babies cry and fuss. No one is going to be too bothered by a little crying, especially considering that we’re out so close to his bedtime.
Am I the only one who feels anxious when their baby “doesn’t behave” in public? I’m trying to stop, really. But … oh, I just want him to behave in public!
Five things about sleep
- Almost every morning, I drag myself out of bed and am so absolutely exhausted that I swear I’ll go back to bed during the baby’s nap …
- … but I only go back to bed during his nap about once a month. (Once I’m up, it’s hard to wind down again.)
- I actually forget how to set out alarm clock, because it’s been so long since I’ve needed to use it
- The baby’s cries often infiltrate my dreams, which means it takes me longer to actually recognize he’s crying and, like, go into his room
- I should invent a bookmark that beeps every time I turn a page, and says, “Put down the book! He’ll be awake all too soon! Sleep, you stupid woman!”
Mommy snapshot
Who knew making breakfast for one baby could result in such a mess?
Maternity leave: the best of times and the worst of times
I’ve been trying to organize my thoughts on maternity leave for a while now.
It’s hard, because some days I am bursting with love and contentment and yayyyy for being on maternity leave, and other days I am a crumpled mess of this-sucks-so-bad-ness.
So here are both sides. The real deal.
Most days you feel:
- Blessed to be able to spend this time with your baby
- Relaxed because you are not rushing out the door to be at work by nine
- Happy to take care of your baby and meet their needs
- Comfortable in clothes that you want to wear
- Satisfied by eating meals you want to eat, and not a gross lunch that was packed in a hurry
- Content to call your own shots, and organize your time
- Fun, getting to act like a kid and teach your baby to play
- Grateful to see, photograph and document your baby’s milestones
- Accomplished, because you are checking things off your to-do list
- Proud of your home and how you’re taking care of everything
But there are other days when you feel:
- Trapped at home, away from the outside world
- Lonely for adult conversation, and disconnected from the other people in your life
- Tired from long days and longer nights
- Bored by the same activities, day in and day out
- Insulted by people who don’t think what you’re doing is “work”
- Frazzled by being the baby’s sole caregiver
- Overwhelmed by laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning
- Jealous of everyone out socializing, taking coffee breaks, going out to lunch
- Annoyed that people assume you watch The Young and the Restless in your sweats*
- Worried people resent you because they have to go off to work, and you get to stay home
*It’s actually Toddlers in Tiaras in yoga pants. Got a problem with that?
***
I’m glad that I do feel like the first list most days. Not every day, but most days.
When I feel the things on the second list, I used to feel disappointed in myself. Disappointed that I was unhappy. Disappointed that I was anything except over the moon to be at home with my baby. This was what I wanted all along. Why wasn’t I happy all the time?
Lately, I have been trying to remind myself that there are good days, and there are bad days.
I’m not a bad mother if I have a shitty day on maternity leave. I’m not a bad mother if I feel down sometimes about being stuck at home alone with the baby. I’m not a bad mother if there is food on the floor and dishes in the sink and the baby is cranky and I just want to drop everything and cry. It’s just a bad day.
Because the next day? I’ll be singing kiddie songs off-key while I dance around the living room with the baby. I’ll be laughing as he makes funny faces and throws his arms around me. I’ll be putting my peaceful baby down for a nap, proudly surveying my clean home, and then relaxing with a cup of tea.
It will be a good day.
Mommy snapshot
I knew wool clothing shrunk .. but cereal? Really???
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