So … the formula fight? Yeah, it continues …
The good news is that Baby Boy is drinking it a little … sometimes. Not that I can blame him, of course, because it’s disgusting.
I try to remember to give him some every few days. He drank about an ounce once, but mostly it’s just a few sips and then he drops the cup in a WTF manner.
But mostly? I forget.
Or I remember but don’t feel like making it.
Or (she whispered) I choose not to give it to him because I don’t want MAH BOOBS to get SMALLERRRRR!
This whole breast-versus-bottle thing is funny. I thought all of the decision-making happened when you were pregnant or had a newborn, but really, the battle between the two continues long after that.
In some ways, formula really is easier — you can leave the house at a moment’s notice, and just throw together a bottle. No worries about pumping or leak pads or nursing covers or privacy or anything.
But in other ways (especially at home), nursing is easier — just yank down your top/bra and the baby does all of the work. Plus, you know, bigger boobs! (Yes, I’m that selfish)
These days I am torn. Torn between wanting my body back and wanting to keep my new boobs. Between kind of wanting to be done and kind of enjoying those quiet moments with my baby. Between the exhaustion but ease of just nursing Baby Boy at night and plopping him back in his crib, and extra sleep but possible hours of screaming we’d encounter if Darling Husband took over some nighttime feedings with formula.
The only real progress so far in this whole “weaning” thing? I’m not pumping anymore. Done! Finito! There are still a couple of bags of frozen milk, but I’ve been leaving formula instead during the few times I’ve gone out solo.
Other than that … I really should try to give him formula a little more often.
Reading back over this post, I sound terribly lazy. I’m not, really. I did three loads of laundry today, spent 2+ hours working on a freelance project, baked cookies, prepared breakfast and lunch, made the bed, dusted, washed the dishes, emptied the dishwasher, and hosted a playdate. I’m not lazy! I’m a very motivated person!
But when it comes to formula …
Eh …
Dear Darling Husband,
I love the (rare) days when you only work a day shift, and you are home by 5 or 5:30 p.m. (instead of 1 a.m.) It is so, so, so, so nice when Baby Boy and I get to eat dinner with you. And hang out with you after dinner. And when I get to hang out with you after Baby Boy’s in bed.
But the best part? It might just be that golden half-hour after the dishes are done and before Baby Boy starts getting into bedtime mode. The golden half-hour when I escape to my bathroom and get into my jacuzzi tub, and you entertain Baby Boy out in the living room.
Did you know what when the jets are on, I can’t hear him squalling? I can’t hear the TV. I can’t hear the neighbours. It’s just a very pleasant droning sound, as I relax in the hot water scented with my special vanilla-cake bubble bath.
And I get to read my book! It is SO nice to be able to read my book for half an hour. You got me this book months ago, and I’m still reading it — can you believe it? I used to finish books every two or three days, back in the day. Now I have more pressing matters to fill my days, but I am still a huge book-lover, and grateful for these snatches of time to read.
Thank you for giving me these little windows of me-time. I’m not sure if it’s the reading or the quiet or the jets that I like the best, but … thanks!
Love, your wife
xoxo
Totally forgot to update you guys on my course last weekend! It went really well, and I feel quite a bit less terrified than I was before.
Other than calling 9-1-1, I didn’t really know what to do in an emergency. Except panic. I only knew the first aid training I’d received in Grade 6 in our babysitting course. Not super current, right?
So after months of saying “Oh, I really should do that,” I finally got my act together and signed up for a two-day course with St. John Ambulance that covered all the basics of emergency childcare. CPR for children and infants, and choking for children and infants were the big topics — and the ones I was especially paranoid about eager to learn. But we also learned emergency care for bleeding, bites, burns, seizures, hypothermia, even amputation — yikes!
The course was great. There were three other moms of babies/young children, one expectant couple, and one woman who worked in a daycare. It was so nice to chat with other moms who were taking the course because they, too, are mega-paranoid about their babies choking. I’m not alone in my crazy twitchy ways!
There was a lot of content, but the instructor went through everything very clearly. It felt kind of cool to be back in a classroom setting — says the girl who swore she’d never go back to school once she graduated from university. We each got a thick book to study and wrote a test, and I felt my suck-uppy keener ways returning as I was always the first person to arrive. We watched videos, practiced the techniques on dummies and on each other, and got to ask as many emergency-related questions as we could think of — and trust me, I had plenty!
I went into the course expecting that I would just feel a little less terrified when it came to caring for Baby Boy — particularly feeding him finger food and worrying about him choking. And while I do feel more confident about that now — I know how to help him if it does happen — the confidence extended into feeling more capable about handling emergencies in general — babies, kids, adults, you name it.
In fact, I was so excited after finishing the course that I may have “practiced” my new skills on Darling Husband and Little Sis. Little Sis took the brunt of my enthusiasm, actually, as I spent more than an hour pretending to do CPR on her, dislodge pretend gumballs stuck in her throat, and wrap “severe bleeds” on her legs (using her scarf and napkins). She was very patient.
So if you are anything like me — a paranoid android — I highly recommend taking a first aid course. You can’t prevent every emergency from happening — although wouldn’t that be nice? — but knowing some basic skills gives helps to put your mind at ease.
Plus it gives you the right to tie up bandage your sibling with dinner napkins in the name of “practicing,” and that’s just fun.