She’s here …
Hello, interweb! I have missed you! This is practically my first time on a computer in a week, so please excuse my absence. God, I missed being on a computer. That’s pretty lame, right? But I did.
Just a quickie post to let you know that our sweet baby girl arrived on schedule — when are scheduled C-section arrivals NOT on schedule, though? — on Wednesday, April 25, at 9:37 a.m. She is a tiny little peanut — compared to her brother, at least — and weighed just 7 lbs. 12 oz. at birth, and was 20.5 inches long.
She is absolute perfection, and we are unbelievably thrilled with her. She has a teeny rosebud mouth, her brother’s (and father’s) nose, and her tiny feet are as silky-soft as those chewy Big Foot candies. She only cries when she gets a diaper change, is hungry, or is taken off my chest. Oh, and she loves holding hands — well, holding fingers — so much that it has to be part of our latching-on routine, or she’s flailing around looking for a finger to hold.
More posts to come in the next few days. I have tons to say about the scheduled C-section, about breastfeeding the second time around, and about how much I’d forgotten about newborns in just 22 months.
Hint: I forgot a lot.
xoxo
Weekly re-cap of pregnancy #2: Week 38
Week 38 (April 14-20)
Symptoms: Back pain, heartburn, Braxton Hicks contractions, teary hormonal outbursts, minor ankle swelling but major leg pain. Oh, and a healthy dose of “I’m so effing done!”
Body changes: I have no concept of if my stomach got any bigger. I don’t think so. I was down a pound at my doctor’s appointment on Tuesday — although my weight is still much, much higher than I would repeat to many people on the planet. (Hint: there are two “2s” in the number, and they aren’t the final two digits. Yeah … I know!)
Baby movement: My spidey-sense tells me this kid is huge. That and the fact that she beats the living shit out of me on a daily basis. OW OW OW! I don’t remember it hurting this much last time! And yet my stomach seems smaller this time? What gives?
Cravings: Potato chips. And sometimes cereal. Cereal is a pregnancy staple.
Aversions: Everything else. Food = ew.
High point: Knowing this was my last final full week of pregnancy! Oh, and wrapping up my freelance work on Friday, for the next six weeks. For the past few days, I’ve gotten to see what it would be like if I didn’t freelance during every naptime. I’ve edited home videos of the toddler (he loves to watch himself). I created his entire second-year photobook online (shoutout to Mixbook.com, because you are freaking awesome). I’m productive, but it’s FUN productive!
Low point: Trouble deciding what to tackle, when I feel like doing everything and nothing all at once. Oh, and lots of breakdown-y feelings about how hard it’s been to take care of a one-year-old when you’re a zillion years pregnant, and worrying about C-section recovery.
How does this week compare to Week 38 during pregnancy #1? Crap! I don’t think we installed the carseat yet. I know it’s IN the van, because in a hormonal rage I made Darling Husband put it in. But he had a bunch of boxes in the van, too, so I think it’s just floating loose somewhere inside. Must get on that, seeing as that we leave for the city TOMORROW MORNING (to do pre-op bloodwork, settle the toddler at Mom’s, etc.)
Oh, what? Right. How does the week compare? Well, I’m certainly not obsessing about going early, like I did last time. That is the nice thing about having a set C-section date. I’m not freaking out like a lunatic like I was last time, because even though you KNOW due dates are crap, you can’t help but cling to them — and even hope you’re earlier. You can pretty much count on a C-section date, so I’m not going nuts thinking it might be earlier. I’m overall way more relaxed this time around, which is a good thing.
Overwhelmed by one, fearful of two
I have raging heartburn, my back hurts, and I kind of feel like I’m going to throw up, but I just had to get this blog published.
I don’t want to forget how I’ve felt for the last week or so, because I suspect — unfortunately — that this feeling is not going to go away once I have this baby. You know, on WEDNESDAY.
I’ve been through a roller coaster of emotions this week (not surprising), but what IS surprising is how quickly I’m going from one state to the next.
I have horrible periods of feeling super overwhelmed by caring for the toddler in this state. The constant cooking, cleaning, wiping, changing, and dressing. The MESSES, oh God, the messes. The toy-picking-up. The spill-wiping. The feeling of frustration when he — for the third time in an hour — has filled a huge cup of water from the water cooler and then promptly spilled it all over the table, wall, and floor.
When it’s like this, I’m not only overwhelmed with how hard it is to manage right now — while I have this huge basketball laundry basket of a stomach sticking out, and I’m waddling around clutching myself and panting — but also how hard it will be to recover from my C-section while doing all of this.
Regular readers know I’m very pro C-section — I think “the other way” (clutching my crotch in sympathy every time I think of it) is awesome if you can do it, but sadly I was not able to do it. Luckily I really do think C-sections are great, and I’m happy to be having another one.
BUT! I am realizing — with terror — that the recovery this time could be a lot harder. I won’t be able to just sit on the couch, doing basically nothing but breastfeeding and watching TV, like I did with my son — which helped me to recover beautifully, with zero complications. No, this time, I’m going to have to recover, take care of my daughter, AND still be a good parent to my son. Oh, and we have gone from a one-floor condo to a three-level house. Um, CRAP.
While I’m still happy with my scheduled C-section — holyshitit’sWEDNESDAY,youguys — I have the odd twinge of wishing I was having a vaginal birth. Ow, even typing that hurts my vag. But seriously, the recovery IS better with a regular birth. I get that. I’m envious of that. My superstar friend L had a totally natural birth (seriously, I am so impressed by that) and was in the MALL a few days later. I’m not supposed to climb STAIRS for six weeks. That is the difference, people.
When the toddler drops his plate of food on the floor, or eats the tips off all his markers and spits them everywhere, or dumps the entire contents of his toybox onto the floor, I feel panicky and exhausted at the same time. It has brought me to tears more than once in the last week. It’s too much, I keep thinking — or wailing to Darling Husband on the phone.
But it’s not too much, because it’s not even “two” yet.
And that’s what scares me.
But these freak-out feelings aren’t constant. It’s funny. I can be crying on the phone to my mom about how Darling Husband only has two weeks off to help me, and then I’m ON MY OWN OMG MOMMEEEEEEE!
And then after we hang up, I wipe the mascara off my chin, and suddenly think of a great way to keep the toddler alive and entertained for the next hour. I clean up efficiently while he’s eating his bedtime snack. I spend lots of time putting him down, giving him extra kisses and attention because OMG MY BABY IS IN FOR SUCH A SHOCK SOON. I feel confident that I can handle it.
All along I have said I really like the idea of having our children close together in age, and I stand by it. However, I know TOTALLY SEE how it is hard to be pregnant with #2 while #1 is still really young and dependent. It kind of sucks, sometimes, really. And I’m sure there will be lots of moments like that after Baby Girl arrives.
I know I’ll have lots of overwhelming moments and freak-outs, and feelings of “I can’t do this. IT’S TOO MUCH.”
But I hope I also have moments of confidence and calm, and feelings of “I can do this. I’m making it work.”
I am 262 1,203 days pregnant, and therefore capable of only writing in bullet points
- I can’t believe I have my final doctor’s appointment today!
- My C-section is ONE WEEK from TOMORROW!
- Eight days, eight days, eight days!
- I have been technically pregnant since JULY! Woah!
- Do you think today will be the day they actually TELL ME SOMETHING? Like maybe something like, “So, you’re having your C-section in a week. Let me run you through a couple of things to expect …”
- No? I didn’t think so.
- Must remember to ask about pre-registration
- Because NOBODY TELLS ME ANYTHING
- Do they not tell me anything because I’ve already had a baby? Or because I’ve already had a C-section?
- Eight days is really soon but also forever away
- Keep having dreams the baby is actually a boy. Had to go over my old name list and remind myself of a few boys’ names I like, just in case.
- Why am I on the computer again? Oh right! Work!
- My brain is too mushy to work. But alas, I must.
- Owwww, there is a baby butt jutting out of my side
- Right! Work! OK, really must go now.
- Preggo outtttttttttt!
P.S. While Googling “pregnancy” to find a relevant image for this blog post, I came across the most amazing thing ever:
Sure, I’m 28 and not 16, but the real question is HOW DO I GET THIS CARSEAT? OMG LOVEEEE!
The full-term itch
No, I’m not talking about a physical itch (luckily).
I’m talking about that itchy feeling you get when you reach full-term status. That’s what I’m going through right now, and it … is not fun.
In the past few days, whenever I watch TV in peace after the toddler is in bed, it feels like a huge waste of time. But it also feels like a luxury that I won’t have soon — and it’s something I did right before I had the toddler, and I remember missing it afterwards.
Whenever I read my book, it feels like a nice way to spend my (limited) free time. But it also feels like a waste of time. Shouldn’t I be filling my time with something important?
When you have the itchies, you feel like you want to do insane, stupid things like:
- Reorganize the kitchen cupboards. Because other people are going to look inside them! When they’re like … helping me, and stuff! And my sister is moving in with us for the summer (so she can work at a local law firm), and she shouldn’t see messy cupboards!
- Make labels for the CLEAR storage containers in the upstairs bathroom cupboard. You know, because how ELSE are people going to know that there are baby bath supplies in this CLEAR caddy and Mommy leg-shaving essentials in this other CLEAR caddy?
And you also want to do mildy-helpful things like:
- Bake huge batches of muffins
- Fry up huge batches of pancakes to freeze
- Invent another type of carb and pre-cook a bunch of it to freeze?
You’re also tempted to do dumb preparatory things like:
- Make dozens of baby-sized hairbows and headbands
- Sew a cupcake-shaped pillow for the nursery
You also feel like you should push through and get finished with all of your work, so that it’s over and you can forget about it. But then you remind yourself not to overdo it, because you get tired so easily.
And, of course, there is also the feeling that you should get out and DO THINGS. You’re not sure what things exactly. And you are too huge and uncomfortable to walk around much in public. But still! There must be THINGS OUT THERE that you should DO! Right?
In short, you cannot win.
I battled these feelings all day yesterday, and eventually settled upon doing a few useful things that I won’t have time for soon (making games for an upcoming baby shower for Best Friend, wrapping shower gifts and baby gifts for friends, etc.)
But I still have the itchy feeling.
NINE DAYS TO GO OMGGGG!
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