When your kid’s swimming lesson feels like a spa visit …

Posted on September 24, 2013 by

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Just got back from D’s third swimming lesson, and … am I sleeping yet?

After a day of racing all over town — preschool drop-off, grocery shopping (and uh, clothes-shopping) with C, dropping the groceries at home, running to the fabric store with C, picking D up from preschool — and then spending the afternoon juggling five phone interviews, a slew of emails, and a couple of writing assignments, I’m just … just … unable to form words-ish?

D and I ate a quick dinner together at 4:22 p.m., woke up C (who was napping) and Darling Husband (who was sleeping all day, since he worked the overnight shift), and ran to the pool for his 5:30 p.m. swimming lesson.

No phones are allowed on the deck. No electronics of any kind, actually. So I just sat and watched. But mostly, just … sat.

The air is too warm in a pool area, when you’re just watching. There’s a lot of white noise, from the swooshing of the water and the high ceilings and the fans, or whatever. It’s very … drowsy … in there. And pretty quiet, considering all of the suited-up kiddies bobbing around.

As I sat on the pool deck on his folded towel, I could barely stay awake. It honestly felt like I was at a spa, getting a massage or something. Yes, sitting on a FLOOR felt like a MASSAGE! You read that right.

I always tell myself I need to take time to breathe, as I fly through every day with my hair streaming behind me. Always, always, always, in a blur of productivity and deadline-meeting and RUSHING.

I’m looking forward to next Tuesday’s lesson, when I can drop to the tiled floor of the pool deck, in the too-warm air, and just … sit.

The meal-planning system of the insane

Posted on September 16, 2013 by

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Remember when I got the insane idea to designate each day of the week for a specific cuisine? Well, not only did I do it — and stick to it — but it’s become kind of LAW in this house.
Behold!
Mexican Monday
Homestyle Tuesday
Sandwich Wednesday
BBQ Thursday

Pizza Friday

Pasta Saturday
Slowcooker Sunday 
All photos stolen from my Instagram feed (laptops2lullabies)

I know a lot of people think it’s ridiculous, but it’s really worked for us. We don’t have those long drawn-out (annoying) conversations about what we’re going to eat that week. It’s super-simple. Going to the grocery store? OK, what are we having for the given day, and the few days after that? Not much thought required!
The system has also kept us from getting sick of certain cuisines by having them a few times in the same week. We used to eat Mexican food a couple of times a week, and we felt sick of it sometimes, but eh, what are you going to do? Now, it’s like “Ooh, it’s Monday — tacos tonight!”
I will admit two of the days aren’t working out too well — Sandwich Wednesday and Slowcooker Sunday. Sandwich Wednesday often winds up being Fish Stick Wednesday or Frozen Chicken Finger Wednesday, because … sandwiches? … for dinner? … is apparently not my style. Sometimes we have wraps, but other days it turns into sort of a freebie night. I have thought about switching it to “Wildcard Wednesday,” but that might be too stimulating.
And because I use the slowcooker on other days, too, it seems like I usually run out of steam by Sunday. It also usually turns into a “whatever’s easy” day, or we eat leftover pizza and pasta from the two previous days.
I like the idea of incorporating an international night somewhere into the mix, where I could make moussaka or … hmmm, will have to think of more international foods before I delve further into that one! (I’m a sheltered eater, remember, who has never tried sushi and has only eaten Thai food once) 
So what do you think of my system? Insane or genius? Maybe a bit of both? 
All I know is — God bless Instagram for being there to document it. #hashtaglover
xoxo

A day of firsts

Posted on September 11, 2013 by

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He started preschool yesterday. Somehow, just a little more than three years after he arrived on the planet, he was old enough to be able to go off to school. I still don’t get how that math works.
He had been talking about it for months. Nonstop, really, ever since we attended an open house back in the spring. He talked so much about when “pwe-school” began that I drew him a big paper countdown calendar. Every day, he got to put a school-themed sticker on the date, and we looked to see how many days remained. Like everything in this life, it went by too quickly.
Before I knew it, I was enlisting Darling Husband to slather chalkboard paint on the glass of an old frame (making a “first day of school” sign we can use for years). I was carefully writing out nine tuition cheques, messing up on every second one because, really, WHO WRITES CHEQUES ANYMORE? I was labeling weeks’ worth of juiceboxes to keep in the fridge, so he had something to excitedly pack in his backpack.
And his backpack. Oh, his backpack. 

 
We shopped around for a new one, but no, D insisted on wearing the pink Dora backpack I’d bought him over a year ago. I didn’t care that he was wearing a bright pink backpack — I think I just wanted to buy a new one, because there were so many cute ones for sale! But then I got over it, because how awesome is it that little kids don’t care about “boy backpacks” and “girl backpacks”? I love that he’s rocking the pink.

Peeking into the classroom

A very half-assed first drawing at preschool

Neither of them want to leave

There were tears when he realized Daddy and I were leaving, but the teachers assured us that he stopped as soon as we left. The tears had surprised me, because of how excited he’d been to get there.

He was all sunshine and smiles for the rest of the morning, and cheerfully greeted me when I picked him up. He knew exactly what cubby was his — I was like “Woah! Did they teach you to read your name or something?” — and he explained later that his has a blueberry on it. Ah, makes more sense than learning to read in a single morning.

His teacher are wonderful, and I couldn’t be more pleased with the pleasant little classroom. It’s a co-op preschool, which means the parents take turns volunteering (you do one week every 12 weeks). I’m thrilled that I get to hang out with D and his class in early October — and, also, that I get to pretend I’m a teacher because FUN and STICKERS and maybe writing on the CHALKBOARD (a.k.a. the dream).

***

Just hours later, D was scheduled to attend his very first swimming lesson. I was VERY nervous for it, because (A) he’s always been scared of the water, (B) he doesn’t have a ton of experience in the water, and (C) I wouldn’t be in the pool with him, so he’d surely freak out.

We’d been to this particular pool for the first time two days earlier (for a birthday party), and admired the beautiful new facility. But D had clung to me with a death-grip — while wearing a life jacket — and it took him almost the full hour to be comfortable enough to walk along the bottom where he could touch.

But when 5:30 rolled around, an instructor called his name, and I grabbed a chair on the sidelines while he followed her down the ramp into the pool. He seemed calm — chill, even. There were only three other kids in his class (the Sea Otters), and one spent the whole time sobbing on the pool deck with their mom, so really it was a two instructor/three kid ratio. Awesomesauce.

I had to stifle a laugh as I walked D bob up and down as he got deeper and deeper, with a comical little smile on his face. He wasn’t wearing a life jacket or a floatie, for the first time ever, and yet he seemed more relaxed than he’d ever been! Over the next 40 minutes, the instructors had him blowing bubbles, floating on his back, floating on his front, swimming with a noodle, kicking, swimming as a “train” with the other kids, and playing all kinds of water games.

I. WAS. SPEECHLESS. Was it some kind of swimming voodoo? How were they doing that? Was this really the same little boy who had clung to me, stiff as a board, two days earlier?

When the lesson was over, I wrapped D up in his train towel and gushed over how proud I was. He was thrilled with his lesson, and kept saying how he’d be back tomorrow (everything is tomorrow to him). I talked to one of the instructors and told her what an amazing job they did, and how I couldn’t believe his progress. And I still can’t. I told Darling Husband last night that we have already gotten our $85 worth. If they teach him absolutely nothing for the next two months, it’s been worth it.

***

In a single day, D went through two huge milestones. I also learned an important lesson, as a parent, because the thing I expected to go smoothly (preschool) had a rough beginning, and the thing I was sure would be a disaster (swimming) went perfectly. You just never know with kids, and it was a good reminder not to prejudge how they’ll react to something.

He’s still so, so little. But three is also very grown-up, too. For the first time in D’s three years, he’ll be spending two mornings a week away from me. He’ll be learning things that I don’t teach him. He’ll have stories I don’t know. He’ll tell me things that will make me wonder what happened, and I’ll never really know, because three-year-olds tend to make things up without realizing it.

I taught him his colours, his ABCs, how to count up to 20, to identify 1-10 and selected letters of the alphabet, and how to print 1, 4, 0, I, O, D, C, and V (random, I know, but those are the ones he’s made perfectly so far). I’ll help him to learn the rest, but so will someone else.

I’m so proud of him. He’s a smart, sweet, funny, happy little person that is going out in the world — without me — for the first time.

And he’s going to be great.

Love you forever, Baby D.
xoxo

Turning 30: A bucket list of sorts

Posted on August 13, 2013 by

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I haven’t went sky-diving, gotten tattooed, driven from one side of the U.S. to the other, or done most of the other things that are on a person’s bucket list.

I never actually made a bucket list, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t accomplished anything. I have done things that I’m proud of, things that were scary, things that were notable, and things that have made me the person I am today.

Today, I’m 30. And here is a list of 30 things that I’ve done in my first 30 years …

  1. I owned my first computer at the age of eight (a hand-me-down beast of a laptop with a black and blue screen) and it only had three functions: word-processing, Wheel of Fortune, and Jeopardy. I played Jeopardy so often that I memorized all of the answers and whooped the butt of any adult I played against.
  2. I have been building websites since the days of Angelfire, and I’ve taught myself a lot — and improved a lot — since the days of learning basic HTML. I love computers. I respect what they do, and I’m fascinated by their possibilities. I sometimes think I should have taken computer science instead of journalism, but I don’t follow rules very well.
  3. I won a public speaking award in junior high and I can say the alphabet backwards really fast, but I’m pretty sure I can’t pronounce “bagel” (bay-gull) without sounding like a Maritimer no matter how hard I try.
  4. I spent years as Jennifer Aniston’s biggest fan (maybe I still am?) and wrote more than 50 fan-fiction episodes of Friends. Yes, they’re mostly terrible. No, you can’t read them. But I taught myself a lot about writing dialogue, so it was a useful exercise in the end.
  5. I ran for Member of the Legislative Assembly — something that I had no particular interest in, but seemed like a good idea at the time (i.e. an editor talked me into it). I got a lot of publicity, lost spectacularly, and still have one of my campaign signs somewhere in the basement. 
  6. I spent my first year of university reading works by some of the world’s best thinkers (Plato, Descartes, Nietzsche, Darwin, and Freud), and I’ve also read every single Babysitters Club book at least five or six times. I have an enormous collection of tween-lit and it’s honestly my favourite thing to read. 
  7. I turned my university car into a work of art with paint, fabric, a ton of glitter, and an army of bobble-headed dogs and cats from the Dollar Store. I put a mannequin named Rachel in the backseat, and she liked to freak people out. When she broke down beyond repair, I had her crushed into a cube because I couldn’t stand the idea of anyone else driving around in her. RIP Trixie.
  8. I graduated from university with a Bachelor of Journalism (Honours) degree, where I got good grades except for in my two (mandatory) history courses — the only Ds I’ll ever have, unfortunately. I loved my journalism courses, but the rest of university felt like I was just slogging through essays and readings that didn’t interest me. I couldn’t wait to start working, and I still maintain that it’s much more enjoyable than going to school — although I’m very glad I went!
  9. My first job out of university was as Listings Editor/Entertainment Reporter at the best newspaper in the world. Sometimes people don’t realize how lucky they are until something’s over, but I knew the whole time: I was lucky to work there.
  10. While at the Daily News, I got to review concerts and interview celebrities (most notably Hilary Duff). I got to eat pizza with Ben Mulroney, who was so charming I think I almost proposed. I got to cover major events, like the Juno Awards, where I met Fergie backstage in a hallway and shook her hand. It was warm and dry, and I’m pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to be talking to her at all.
  11. I married my high school sweetheart, my best friend, and the most handsome rugby player you’ve ever seen. I like to think we bring out the best in each other, and there’s no one in the world I’d rather hang out with.
  12. We defied convention and got married in the drive-thru of A Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas, while sitting in a Corvette convertible, with an employee named Missy as our only witness. Our reception was at In’N’Out Burger, and cost $11.83. We rode the roller coaster and then took a drive through the dessert. It was the best day.
  13. I drove an ATV through the mountains of Alaska under the midnight sun. I was terrified every time I went downhill, convinced I was going to fly off the front. I went whitewater-rafting in Denali, Alaska. Again, I was pretty sure I was going to die. Whenever our guide would yell to hang on, I dove into the centre of the raft so I wouldn’t fall out. I discovered I am a huge chicken, but I had fun anyway.
  14. I wrote a young adult novel and began the process of pitching publishers. But I feel like my writing has grown up a lot since then, so I’m working on a new book now. I will get it published, somehow, for sure.
  15. I have went on every roller coaster at Canada’s Wonderland, Hollywood Studios, and the Magic Kingdom. But I don’t think I like roller coasters anymore. They make my head hurt and I feel nauseated afterwards. So I think I’m done them? Maybe?
  16. I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy son in 2010. I was terrified to have a son, because I feared that little boys were nothing but grubby sweatpant-wearing, bug-collecting sports-fans. He turned my world upside-down and showed me that little boys are sweet, smart, interesting people. His kindness and enthusiasm for life have made me a better person.
  17. I moved outside of the city I’d lived in my entire life, because I knew there would be a better life for me and my family there (and there was). We live in a small town now, and I love it dearly. It feels right for us to be here.
  18. I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy daughter in 2012. I was terrified to have a daughter, because I’d already figured out boys and girls were surely going to be scary, tantrum-y, high-maintenance divas. She has filled my life with sparkles and glitter, and while I suspect we will have a knack for driving each other crazy, her spunk and personality have made me a better person.
  19. I lost 65 lbs. after the birth of my daughter by following Weight Watchers, and I’m now wearing clothes I wouldn’t have fit into since high school. I still love fast food and potato chips, but we see less of each other now. 
  20. I have been fortunate enough to breastfeed both of my children. It was hard as hell both times, in the beginning, but I’m stubborn enough to have suffered through it until it was second nature.
  21. Along the same lines, I saved more than $2,000 by cloth-diapering both of my children. It can be a disgusting thing to do sometimes, but it’s worth it for the savings. Plus, those fluffy butts are so cute.
  22. I have built a successful freelance writing career that allows me to stay at home with my young children and still make an income. I have great clients, my writing appears in newspapers and magazines across the Maritimes, and I get to keep up with the laundry in between interviews. I love being my own boss, although she never lets me cut out early or take long breaks.
  23. I feel like I haven’t traveled much, especially compared to a lot of my (young, double-income-no-kids) Facebook friends, but I have done a bit. I’ve stood on the top of the Empire State Building, ridden the London Eye, walked the shores of Loch Lomond, rode roller coasters in Florida, strolled the Vegas Strip, and explored the wilderness of Alaska. I have been to New York City six times, and it’s my favourite place to visit. I love walking fast, and it’s the only place I’ve been where the pace suits me perfectly.
  24. I have seen three Broadway shows, as well as watched many of my favourite artists/bands perform live, including Hilary Duff, the Backstreet Boys, Avril Lavigne, the Goo Goo Dolls, and the Spice Girls (yes, I’m a tween for life). But I have yet to see NKOTB, Jewel, or Taylor Swift — maybe by the time I’m 40?
  25. I am a recovering Picky Eater who has now tried lobster, sour cream, pickles, Jalepenos, and lots of other foods I never thought I would try. Now I’m not sure what the big deal is about trying new things, except I can tell you that I’ll never be a fan of peas. Never.
  26. I have an amazing extended family. I have friendships with wonderful people from every stage of my life — from elementary school up to my current life as a mom — and I have accepted that I will never be popular. I don’t want to be, either. Having a select group of close friends is perfect.
  27. I have a beautiful home. We’ve worked hard on decorating it and making it our own, and there’s something to be said for making the place that you spend 99% of your life (in my case) into a haven. I have also organized the place so that there isn’t so much as a safety pin that I couldn’t tell you its exact location. I love my label-maker. I have organized my linen closet with plastic bins so everything is in perfect order. I have framed, printed labels above each garbage can and recycling bin. People sometimes think I’m crazy for this, but it makes me happy.
  28. I have built an impressive collection of well-loved Barbies, and I believe in playing with them — not leaving them in pristine condition in the boxes. My dream job would be the person who dresses, styles, and poses the Barbies before photographing them. If anyone knows how I can get into that field, please let me know.
  29. I have never tried drugs, I have never been pulled over for speeding or other traffic offenses, and I have never drank enough alcohol to get hungover. I have smoked about five cigarettes, but I haven’t inhaled more than once because OMG YOUR LUNGS and the coughing! I once smoked a piece of rolled-up newspaper because I thought it would be pretty much the same as a cigarette — and it was! 
  30. The day before I turned 30, I did something I’ve always wanted to do and started a hobby business selling toddler dresses and other handmade goodies: Lottie & Dex Designs. Part of me thinks I’m insane for taking on another project, but I’m excited to be able to put my stuff out there. It feels like something I’m meant to do — and, like everything else I’ve listed here, it’s just who I am.
Thanks for reading!
xoxo

Mommy confession: I hate playing outside

Posted on August 8, 2013 by

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Yes, it’s summer. Yes, the weather is too hot, er, nice. Yes, my three-year-old and one-year-old want to be outside ALL. THE. TIME.
But no, I don’t like to play outside.
It sounds terrible to admit it, I know! But I have always been an indoor girl. I LIKE being inside. I especially like being inside an air-conditioned space, when it’s realllllly cold and crisp. I appreciate sunny days because it’s nice to look at them … through a window … from a distance.
But outside? Outside has sun that blazes down on you and threatens to ruin your complexion! And heat that makes you droopy and tired! I’m a Sunscreen Natzi, so I’m constantly greasing up myself and the kids, but I actually hate sunscreen. I hate putting it on. I hate the way it makes my skin feel. I also hate the feeling of sweat, while we’re on the subject.
Outside also has bugs that bite you, flowers that make me a sniffly runny-nosed allergic mess, dirt and gravel that gets inside your sandals. You come inside itching and sneezing and dirty and generally unpleasant.
Prior to having kids, I rarely went outside except to walk to the bus, go on strolls with Darling Husband, and walk to and from the car. I was fine with that.
But D and C LOVE being outside, so now I’m outside every day — for a good portion of the day! We go to zillions of parks and playgrounds. We go on walks. We play in the backyard every single evening (and a lot of mornings, too). We play outside at friends’ houses. We eat picnic lunches outside. 
We are basically outside EVERY WAKING MOMENT (or thereabouts … at least it feels that way to me).
There are good moments for sure. I don’t mind pushing swings for hours (HOURS!) if I have a friend there, too, so we can chat. I like hanging out in the backyard when the neighbours are out, too. I do enjoy exploring the woods with the kids, because that’s the one thing I enjoyed outdoors as a child. I also like checking out a new playground, because I like playing on some of the equipment sometimes!
I’m starting to get used to it, at least, but I’ll definitely almost positively probably never be at outdoor person. 
No, I’m just an indoor person who puts up with the Great Outdoors for the sake of two very cute little wilderness folk … 

All photos taken from my Instagram account
xoxo

I’m Heather Laura Clarke. I’m a writer living in beautiful Nova Scotia, I have a 15-year-old son and a 13-year-old daughter, I married my high school sweetheart, and this is the story of my handmade life.

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