Heather's Handmade Life

Ridin’ Dirty: PowerWheels edition

Posted on July 4, 2014 by Heather Laura Clarke

Confessions of a first-time soccer mom

Posted on June 26, 2014 by Heather Laura Clarke

I felt like a true soccer mom while I registered my son for soccer. I mean, I already had the minivan! It was finally time to turn it into a true Mom-mobile.

Maybe I could hand out orange slices or something? Or bring one of those giant containers full of sticky McDonalds orange drink, and set up a little refreshment table?

But then the coordinators started describing the kinds of cleats, shin-pads, and athletic socks I should buy — who knew soccer balls came in SIZES? — and my eyes started to glaze over.

What had I gotten myself into? More importantly, was it too late to back out?

I immediately pictured myself sitting in the blazing sun, swatting mosquitoes, and watching my four-year-old son play with dirt in the field — all while making sure my two-year-old daughter didn’t escape!

You see, I don’t have a good history with organized sports. I played T-ball when I was seven, and spent each practice — and game — picking dandelions in the outfield. When a ball rolled my way, I would either blink at it (and do nothing) or panic because I didn’t know where to throw it. Meanwhile, my baby sister played in an actual ditch. My summer as a T-ball player was not fun for anyone, except maybe my sister.

In junior high and high school, my organized sports experience consisted of being cut from the track team and the girls’ hockey team. Did I mention I was the only person cut in both instances? That should tell you something about my athletic abilities.

When I showed up at the soccer field for the first practice, I was nervous. My son had already done gymnastics and swimming, but never been part of a real sports team. I knew he wouldn’t suffer my fate of being cut — there’s nothing ruthless about the itsy-bitsy Timbits — but I wondered if he would hate it like I hated T-ball?

I found my son’s coaches — two lovely teenage girls whose combined age probably didn’t equal mine — and he was handed a black Timbits T-shirt. I was actually pretty psyched to find out black was the Panthers’ team colour — it matched the cute little shorts and cleats I’d bought him, and even coordinated with his new knee socks — er, soccer socks?

Each player needed a parent on the field with them, so that kind of makes me a real soccer player, right? I shuffled around with the other moms and dads, as our main purpose was basically to keep the kids on their own field — easier said than done — and somewhat engaged with a soccer ball. I quickly learned that kids are freakishly possessive over their shiny new soccer balls. No one wanted to kick theirs back and forth, for fear they’d never get it back. Sigh.

We also had to run little drills and warm-up exercises with the kids. I got a little caught up in a game of Capture the Flag, as I triumphantly ripped the flag from my son’s waistband — and then realized the other parents were pretending not to be able to catch their kid. That was a little awkward.

Throughout the hour, I was surprised by how well my son was doing. He was full of enthusiasm as he ran around, and even got a goal during their first practice game. My son, an athlete! My son, a member of a real sports team! I could feel myself becoming one of Those Moms — the ones who think their child is the next Sidney Crosby — and quickly kept my pride in check.

At the end, the coaches gathered the players in a huddle and attempted to teach them a simple cheer. Hilariously, the group of three- and four-year-olds took the cheer quite literally. When the coaches shouted “Go, Panthers!” the Panthers decided to “go” — and ran off giggling in all different directions.

We walked back to the minivan in good spirits, and the kids were eager to come back every Wednesday evening. I was already thinking about next week, too. You see, there was a mom there wearing a decorated T-shirt to cheer on her daughter, so of course I need to make myself one. And possibly a set of signs that say “Go, Panthers!” And maybe a megaphone? Hey, maybe this is my chance to finally be a cheerleader!

Wait, how old are kids before they figure out you’re totally lame and embarrassing?

The other night

Posted on June 25, 2014 by Heather Laura Clarke

3 Comments

It came out of nowhere, and now it’s practically all I can think about.

Longtime readers may remember that back before I was pregnant with D — when I was just a mild-mannered reporter, er, producer/project manager, I had this dream of writing and publishing a novel.

I got up early every day before work, so I could spend an hour or an hour and a half writing and editing. I finished my novel. I went to work every day at a job I enjoyed, but one that sometimes left me feeling like I wasn’t writing enough — that I wasn’t using this spark inside of me. I pitched publishers and got rejected again and again.

Then I got pregnant with D, and literally the exact same day I peed on the stick, I stopped. I turned 100 per cent of my energy into preparing for motherhood, and just basically let my dream of being a published author fade away.

I continued to write on a freelance basis, of course, and now I write professionally. It feels amazing! I’m completely grateful and pleased to have this career, and usually very satisfied with my work.

I haven’t thought too much about getting a book in bookstores over the last four (almost FIVE, wow) years of this pregnant / nursing / pregnant / raising two kids whirlwind. Occasionally I feel a pang, and then it goes away … stifled by sippy-cups and Lego and the need to make another batch of pancakes “wif syrups” for the kids.

I’m too damn busy to write another book, I told myself sometimes. I no longer wanted to get the original novel published, because it felt embarrassingly amateur. I thought it was so good at the time, but now … ugh.

But then, the other night, inspiration struck. I was lying in bed, with my mind racing — I totally drank a Diet Coke WITH CAFFEINE earlier in the day, which messes with me big-time — and suddenly I had an idea. Not just a little blib of an idea, but chapter ideas — hell, COMPLETE SENTENCES — were rushing through my bloodstream.

I grabbed the notebook and pen I keep in my nightstand, and discovered almost all of the pages were filled with scribbles of dress ideas, Christmas present lists, and lists of things to organize — I’m the lamest. I found ONE blank page at the end, used my iPhone as a flashlight, and wrote as fast as I could.

My notes — which I will share one day, because they’re hilariously wobbly and confusing — are the basis for the book I’m going to write. You know, like SOON. NOW?

I have such a good feeling about this, guys. I can SEE it on the shelves at Chapters. It’s a very exciting feeling. I haven’t felt like this in years. A book! A chance! Another kick at the old publishing can. It’s like five years ago, again, only … better. I’m more experienced, I’m a better writer — years of writing professionally, hello! — and I feel I have a much stronger concept.

I promise to share more soon, but I just had to tell you I’m going for it again. And this time? I’m not stopping until I take it all the way.

DIY Lego birthday party

Posted on June 24, 2014 by Heather Laura Clarke

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We can get away with the occasional “Trains” or “Rainbow” themed party during the first few years, and then kids tend to want parties focused on their favourite character, TV show, or movie.

But who wants to spend $10 on a package of 15 Super Mario plates, or run all over town looking for Max and Ruby party invitations?

Here are a few ideas for putting together a fun, creative party without buying a single branded item …

Focus on the colour scheme. Having a Bubble Guppies party, like we did two birthdays ago? Don’t freak out because you can’t find paper plates printed with pictures of Gil, Molly, Deema, and the fishy crew. Buy plain orange plates — in honour of Mr. Grouper — and decorations in different shades of blue like the ocean. For our Lego party, we bought plain yellow loot bags and drew Lego heads on them. We bought a few packages of plain yellow plates, and drew an eyes and a smile on each one using a black marker. We intermixed those “Lego head” plates with plain white plates we already had.
Make simple invitations using PicMonkey. I’ve done the fancy custom invitations before, and there are plenty of pricey themed invitations available on Etsy. But lately I’ve been making my own invites with the help of a free website called PicMonkey. It’s easy to play around with the wording and add pictures, and then you can save the photo to print at home — or use an online service to have it professionally printed.
Use what you have! If your child is into that particular character or movie, chances are you already have some of their merchandise. Set up little displays using the toys. Play the movie in the background. Download music from the show. Dexter is just starting his Lego collection, so we didn’t have much to bring. But we did have a ton of MegaBloks, which is basically giant Lego. I stacked some blocks together in towers, and used a black marker to write messages that welcomed our guests, and thanked them for coming.
Don’t feel pressured to get a “designer” cake. I’ve been to parties where they have expensive, professional cakes or cupcakes, and you know what? It’s the parents who are very impressed. The kids don’t seem to notice or care, for the most part. If it’s in your budget to buy a fancy cake with life-sized fondant Polly Pockets dancing on the top, great. But if it’s not, you can make something cute yourself. I’ve carved a homemade cake into a wobbly Mr. Grouper shape, slathered on some orange icing, added an eye, and called it a day. I’ve frosted homemade cupcake with “ocean” blue icing and added a Goldfish cracker to the top. For the Lego party, I make a few basic cuts to a sheet cake, covered it with yellow icing, and used a tube of black icing to draw a face. I also added Lego faces to some yellow-frosted cupcakes, and stuck Lego brick candies on top of some chocolate-frosted cupcakes. Super simple, and the kids loved them!
Collect old jars to use as party decor. I love recycling glass jars into our party decor, because we always have plenty in our salsa- and pasta sauce-loving household. For Charlotte’s rainbow-themed party in April, we painted the insides of our jars with the colours of the rainbow, displayed them in rainbow order, and added a white flower to each one. For Dexter’s Lego party, he helped me pour yellow paint and water into jars, screw on the tops, and then shake-shake-shake until the paint coated the insides. We drew faces on the outside of the jar with a black marker, and had some very cute table decor.
Make a Punchbox from an old cardboard box. Dexter requested a pinata for his Lego party, but yanking a string isn’t very fun — and the idea of giving a whacking stick to one-year-olds, two-year-olds, and three-year-olds certainly wasn’t appealing. So I cobbled together some small cardboard boxes to make one large Franken-box, wrapped in brown paper to hide my tape, cut holes in the front, and painted it. Then I glued squares of tissue paper behind each hole, filled plastic cups with treats, and taped a cup behind each hole. The kids had a blast punching through the circles to get the candy inside, and even the littlest guests were able to participate. Then I apologized to the parents for sending them home with sugared-up kiddies!