Parenting through secondhand FOMO

On the list of things I feel guilty about at this exact moment, one of them is swimming lessons. Namely, that our kids are not currently enrolled. You’ve heard of secondhand smoke, right? Well, I suffer from secondhand FOMO (Fear of Missing Out).

They wanted to take the lessons! They asked! I may or may not have uttered a teensy fib about swimming lessons not being offered in the winter, but, uh, Mommy’s pretty sure they’ll be running in the spring.

It’s not that I have anything against swimming lessons. I think they’re great, and they certainly worked wonders on our tentative kids. (What’s the opposite of saying someone “swims like a fish,” because ours are … that?)

It’s just that we absolutely cannot handle another weekly commitment at the moment … and that makes me feel simultaneously proud of sticking to my guns, but also guilty that my children are missing out on wonderful experiences.

Continue reading in my weekly parenting column, “The Mom Scene” …

DIY canopy bed with rainbow curtains

“ROY-G-BIV, ROY-G-BIV,” I kept murmuring to myself as I stacked and examined different bolts. “Roy … gee … bivvvvvv.”

I was on the hunt for rainbow hues that weren’t straight out of a cartoon. I ended up removing the “I” (indigo) — all of the indigo fabrics were too dark for our pastel scheme — and swapped the “R” (red) for a deep pink. So, technically, our rainbow was “POY-G-BV,” but it worked.

Let me back up, though. I was browsing on Pinterest with our three-year-old daughter on my lap, and she spotted a canopy bed with purple curtains. She declared it the most beautiful “princess bed” in the world and asked if I could sew it for her.

(You guys remember how little I liked the purple paint she chose for those nightstands a couple of weeks ago, right? Sigh.)

I agreed that a canopy bed would be fun, but how about … rainbow curtains instead? She squealed and we started sketching how it would look. We told my handy husband about our idea and he rolled his eyes good-naturedly.

Usually it takes him a while to get on board for projects, so I was shocked when he went out and bought the wood and built the bed THAT VERY SAME DAY. When Daddy’s Little Girl asks for a big project, he jumps, apparently!

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Work-at-home Q&A: Author Jon Tattrie + novel giveaway

I’m trying out a fun new (hopefully regular) feature today where I put my interviewing skills to use and chat with other work-at-home parents.

There aren’t that many of us, so I always pounce on the ones I meet and discuss their work/life balance because OMG YOU UNDERSTAND MY LIFEEEEE.

So without further ado, here’s my Q&A with the adorably-accented …

Jon Tattrie

ME: Being a parent and chasing your own dreams can be difficult (it’s the story of my life). How do you do both so well?

JON: I got a lucky break when the newspaper I worked for suddenly shut down in 2008.

(Ed: I worked there, too. It sucked. Jon is too modest to mention that this happened ON HIS BIRTHDAY!)

It didn’t seem like good news when I had no job and no prospects, but I also then had no wife, children or mortgage, so dream-chasing was relatively easy. I wrote my first novel in that period (a historical fiction called Black Snow).

The challenge now that I do have a wonderful wife, three-year-old son and a daughter being born this spring, is balancing dream-chasing with bill-paying. That’s a big reason I’ve remained a full-time freelance writer – I can build writing books into my daily schedule.

Typically I spend the first hour of each day working on books. In the writing phase, that’s about 1,000 words a day, which quickly adds up. So far it’s added up to five books published in six years: Black Snow, The Hermit of Africville, Cornwallis: The Violent Birth of Halifax, Day Trips from Halifax, and now Limerence.

I think it’s important for me to keep chasing my writing dreams as we raise our family. First, it makes me happy, which makes me a better dad and husband. Second, it shows our children that you can do what you value and pay the bills. (although certainly not from the book writing at this point!)

ME: So how does your novel Limerence fit into this? (BTW, loved, loved, loved it)

JON: It’s funny – I started to write the novel when I was still single, but published it as a family man. Limerence stars two men: a stay-at-home dad and a freewheeling libertine. The two crash their lives into each other and eventually find a deeper acceptance of their own choices once they’ve accepted the other person’s decisions.

I pictured the ocean when writing it (easy to do when you live on the coast!). On the surface, you have a frenzy of action as sharks, piranhas and other sea creatures fight for their lives. That’s the car crash that opens the novel, and the sex-and-blood chaos that races out of that. But after you’ve feasted, crucial nutrients will drift down into the abyss of you, bringing snowflakes of food to the strange, silent creatures in the depths of your soul.

It’s about how to stop fighting with your partner. It’s about how to stop fighting with yourself. It’s about learning to let yourself enjoy your life. When you’re in your 20s, life seems full of possibilities. But somewhere around 30, you realize you have to choose one, or you’ll be left with nothing. Limerence is about flourishing in that choice.

ME: Is it autobiographical?

JON: No – not at all. I write non-fiction books too (I’m finishing Redemption Songs: How Bob Marley’s Nova Scotia Song Lights the Way Past Racism now and it will be out in the fall), and no one every asks if they’re autobiographical. Yet as a writer, I can tell you that I put equal amounts of myself into fiction and non-fiction. The books come from my brain and so show traces of my life, but they’re never about me.

ME: What advice do you have for parents (like me) who want to chase their writing dreams?

JON: Steal from your children. Let me explain that.

I’m reading the January/February 2016 edition of Scientific American Mind and the article “How to cultivate creativity” says that openness to new experiences is the strongest predictor of creative achievement. Creative achievers “have a harder time filtering out seemingly irrelevant information and continued to notice familiar things.”

Children are natural champions of drawing our attention to seemingly irrelevant information and apparently familiar things. When I took my son to the beach last summer, it was literally the first time he’d seen ocean waves, sand, surfers – all of it. I watch him watch the world, and use his curiosity and boundless energy to fire up my own imagination.

Think of their endless questions as writing prompts, and consider your answers writing exercises. Take that over to your actual writing and your work will dramatically improve.

***

Thanks to Jon for coming over to hang out with us today. He’s a huge inspiration for me as I near the end of writing my current (hopefully first-published) novel.

And now! A giveaway!

How do you use parenting to be a more creative person? 

Tell me on Twitter (@HFXHeather), on Facebook or in the comment section. We’ll randomly select three people to win a copy of Jon’s flipping fantastic novel, Limerence.

The self-employed, work-at-home "sick day"


The morning of a “real job” sick day:
  • Wake up and feel sick
  • Phone or email your boss and say you won’t be in
  • Doze in and out of a dreamy Netflix coma
The morning of a self-employed, work-at-home “sick day:”
  • Wake up around 11:30 p.m. feeling tingly and chilly and icky-stomached
  • Reach for iPhone on nightstand
  • Check calendar for the next day, including upcoming deadlines, interviews scheduled, and projects that need to be written up
  • Put iPhone back on nightstand
  • Fiercely try to pretend sicky feelings are all in your head, go back to sleep off and on
  • Wake up in the wee hours of the morning and realize you can’t fight it anymore 
  • Grab a facecloth, take out various retainers/mouthguards in preparation for … 
  • … YUCK
  • Brush teeth, wash face
  • Creep downstairs in the middle of the night and boot up the laptop to take advantage of the great feeling that comes after finally … you know
  • Write two corporate blog posts
  • Make tea and sip it tentatively
  • Write a short write-up for a client
  • Pour a bowl of dry Cheerios and nibble on them while doing research
  • Write three articles
  • Nod at the rest of your family when they finally wake up and come downstairs
  • Edit copy for client
  • Respond to emails
  • Turn parenting responsibilities over to spouse
  • Crawl back upstairs 
  • Set an alarm for your phone interview later that morning
  • Go back to bed for a couple of hours until you’re needed at work again
NOTE: I have not actually used the Clarke Family Barf Bucket, but the kids have. I wrote on it because I thought it was hilarious to have our own version of Margo’s Pike Family Barf Bucket and if you don’t get that Babysitter’s Club reference then I’m really sorry for potentially grossing you out.

Easy-sew fleece facewarmer

The problem with little kids — well, one of the problems — is that you can’t put scarves on them without terrible fears of them hanging themselves accidentally on the monkey bars.

(I know, right? They must have shown a scary video in school or something because I feel like it’s bound to happen if I put my kids in a scarf.)

The problem with living in Canada is that it’s freezing in the winter, and the winter is damn long. 
Since we walk to the bus stop 10 times a week — and then wait there for a long time because I’m compulsively early — I decided I needed to make facewarmers for me and the kids. Something scarf-like but that would easily open if one of us happened to find a set of monkey bars on the walk to the bus.
Ready? Let’s do this …
I did 24″ and it was a good length, but you know how I am with measuring. 

(Note: if your fleece is higher-quality, you may not need to hem. I used a grey piece for D’s facewarmer and I didn’t need to hem it, but C’s was on the fuzzy side.)

I still use this guy from our cloth-diapering days, and I love them. 

It helps to have a helper. (And it was hilarious to watch her tremble because she was squeezing it SO. HARD.)

I did an “innie” snap on one end, and four “outie” snaps on the other end so it was adjustable, but we just use the tightest snap. So really, you just need one? Unless your kid’s head changes sizes, which … apparently I thought mine did …?

The view from the back. It actually keeps snow/cold air from creeping down the gap between her hood and the coat (when her hood is down) so that was an added bonus.

How cute is my banged-up little girl? (There was a sledding accident the day before I took these photos. Daddy was on duty. I just feel the need to point that out.)

(Also: I sewed her a two-second headband (pictured above) with one rectangle of fleece and a single line of stitching on the machine.)

Nanook of the North, er, Nova Scotia.

Stay warm out there, lovelies!

xo