Spying on your baby

Posted on March 16, 2011 by

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I get a lot of enjoyment out of spying on my baby.

Babies do cute things when they know you’re watching them. But they seem to do even CUTER things when they think they’re all alone.

About a month ago, I put Baby Boy down for a nap and left his room. After a few minutes, I could hear him grunting and mumbling to himself. Usually he’s either crying or sleeping in his crib, and that’s it, so I pushed the door open quietly and peeked inside.

OMG, cuteness! He was sitting up in his crib, facing the wall, playing with his socks. He yanked one off, sort of talked to it for a bit, and then tried to pull the other one off. Then he looked over at his crib aquarium, hit one of the buttons to start the music, and watched it for a bit — all the while making little sighs and whispers.

Sure, he was probably doing something un-cute like taking a crap, but it was freaking adorable to watch!

C once told me that her cute baby boy used to reach up towards his crib aquarium, hit one of the buttons, lie down, listen for a second, then decide he didn’t like that song. He’d sit up, smack the aquarium button again until he found a song he liked, and then curl up again and go to sleep. SO CUTE!

Am I the only one who spies on my baby?

"Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll go eat worrrrrrrrms …"

Posted on March 15, 2011 by

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Did I feed my baby worms? 
No. That is Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup … 
… minus the actual “soup” because I poured the can into a colander and rinsed it under the taps until I was pretty sure the evil salty broth was washed down the drain.
What was left? Noodles and teensy bits of chicken. I cut everything into little pieces so Baby Boy could feed it to himself. I added little bits of broken-up soda cracker. He loved it.
It was a great meal. 
It’s just a little hard to look at, isn’t it?
First one was slimy …
Second one was grimy …
Third and fourth came uppppppp …

How to make pizza for babies … yes, pizza … for babies …

Posted on March 14, 2011 by

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Start by making pizza for yourself, and leaving a little triangle sauce-free …
Add cheese to the rest of the pizza
Take the teensiest drop of sauce imaginable and wipe it across the baby slice …
Cut one slice of pepperoni into the teensiest squares imaginable, and sprinkle them across the baby slice …
Add cheese to everyone’s portions. Babies love cheese. 
They love gravy, too, but that’s another story …
When the pizza comes out of the oven, transfer their teeny barely-sauced, barely-cheesed, barely-pepperonied slice to the fridge to cool (when you scarf your own slices, mmmm) …
Cut the baby’s slice into the teensiest crumbs imaginable. Seriously, these crumbs are so small, it can’t even really be called “pizza.” It’s more like somewhat-assembled ingredients … that you need a microscope to see. 
They will love it. 
You will question your parenting abilities because you gave your nine-month-old baby pizza. What were you thinking? But it’s sort of healthy, right? Oh dear …
Everyone wins.
Bon appetit, babies!

How do moms get skinny? Their kids steal their food.

Posted on March 11, 2011 by

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You know what’s convenient? When your baby gets to the age where they can eat REAL PEOPLE FOOD, and you don’t have to make separate meals just for them three times a day.

We are just getting to this stage with Baby Boy, and it’s awesome. We went to my sister-in-law’s for dinner on Sunday, and STOP THE PRESSES: we didn’t need to bring baby food with us. She was having turkey dinner, so I was able to just smush up a bit of it in a bowl and feed it directly to Baby Boy. It’s like he was a person or something! Crazy!

So far this week, he’s shared my dinner with me three times — Shepherd’s Pie one night, and Chicken Parmesan (with spaghetti) twice. I just take a little portion of mine, cut it up into minuscule pieces, smush it up a bit with my fork, and let him feed himself. It’s a big whoppin’ mess, of course, but what isn’t these days?

He positively hoovered both dishes! It was so funny to watch him grab fistful after fistful. He kept finishing everything I put on his tray, so I kept giving him more from my plate. Eventually we were both done, but I was still starving!

This might just be a better diet than breastfeeding …

Sufferin’ succotash

Posted on March 10, 2011 by

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Scene: A lunch date at McDonalds with Darling Husband and Baby Boy

ME: These nuggets are amazing. I haven’t had them in ages. Mmmmmm!

DARLING HUSBAND (gesturing to Baby Boy): I feel bad for him.
ME: Why?
DARLING HUSBAND: We’re eating McDonalds, and he’s eating that crap.
ME: It’s not crap! It’s homemade succotash.
DARLING HUSBAND: Would you rather eat that … or fries?
ME (eating a fry): … You’re right. I feel bad for him, too.

I’m Heather Laura Clarke. I’m a writer living in beautiful Nova Scotia, I have a 15-year-old son and a 13-year-old daughter, I married my high school sweetheart, and this is the story of my handmade life.

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