One is the loneliest most rare number
Since having our second baby, I have realized my (already very limited) alone time is now practically non-existent.
Therefore, I present to you a list of my current favourite places to be:
- Showering. Sure, the baby is usually in her carseat right there, on the other side of the curtain. But I’m still somewhat alone. And I get to shower all the breastmilk drips and spit-up off my skin, which is always a good thing.
- Blow-drying my hair. Can’t hear crying, whining, or tantrums, and the warmth gives me a nice sleepy feeling. Also, if I put on My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, there are enough subtitles that I can read what’s happening without having to hear them over the drone of the hairdryer.
- On the toilet. This does not always happen alone, though, unfortunately. Often D (23 months) is right there, signing “wash hands” and trying to scramble up onto the counter. But when I am alone in the bathroom? It’s the best.
- In bed (when the babies are not). When Darling Husband is around in the evenings, sometimes I will nurse the baby all evening and then hand her over to him around 10:30 (when she won’t hold another drop of milk). Then he takes her downstairs for a few hours while he watches TV, and I actually get to sleep knowing she is (A) safe (B) two floors away, and (C) not going to wake me up 10 minutes after I fall asleep. Those couple of hours are heavenly!
- In the van. Sometimes being in the van with both kids is awful, but when they’re both sleeping? Or when C is sleeping and D is engrossed in his portable DVD player a.k.a. The Birthday Gift We Gave Him Two Weeks Early Because He Was Such A Pill In The Car? It’s really nice. Darling Husband and I get to chat. I get to see the outside world. I might even get to see other people, or get a smidge of fresh air!
Upon re-reading this list, I have concluded it is rather depressing. Did I really say the toilet is one of my favourite places to be? Oh dear. I used to be a lady, I swear.
When your kids tag-team
Tag-teaming used to be a good thing. Remember Tag Team’s awesome song, Whoooomp! (There It Is)? I totally loved that song. Still do.
(Sidenote: I was 10 when the song came out in 1993, and thought the lyrics were actually “Whooomp! Bad ass! Whooomp! Bad ass!”)
And remember tag-teaming in Donkey Kong Country for Super Ninendo? God, Best Friend and I logged MANY hours playing that game on sleepovers, while eating lots of cheese popcorn. She was always DK, and I was always the little monkey (Diddy?). I adored the tag-team feature because I was terrible at video games, and if I got too scared during my turn I could tag Best Friend and she would resume playing the level.
But tag-teaming, I have learned, is not always a good thing.
When you have two kids under two, tag-teaming is a very EVIL thing known as this:
1. Baby A is sleeping.
2. Baby B is awake and crying.
3. You finally soothe Baby B and get them to sleep.
4. Baby A wakes up right on cue.
5. Baby A is awake and crying.
4. You finally soothe Baby A and get them sleep.
6. Oh look! Baby B is crying again.
*weeps*
Darling Husband and I experienced a really bad tag-team on Sunday night. D (23 months) had a slight fever, and screamed for 3.5 hours — stopping whenever Darling Husband or I walked into his room to calm him, and resuming immediately after we walked out. He also tore apart his room, ripped his nightlights out of the wall, stripped his bed and threw everything on the floor. Repeatedly.
It was one of those brutal nights when you and your spouse are arguing over the best way to parent, and no one’s ideas are working, and you are exhausted and annoyed and the infant Tylenol is NOT WORKING and you just want to go outside and sleep in the minivan. Or drive it far, far away.
When D finally (FINALLY) stopped crying and went to sleep — after 3.5 hours — baby C (not quite four weeks old, at the time) woke up. I was crying, too, by that point. Brutal, brutal, brutal.
Now, in the middle of the night when C is crying, I wish with all my might that D won’t hear her and wake up. Particularly not at the exact moment when I have put C back in her bed.
Tag-teaming = the worst! Tell me — have your kids ever tag-teamed you?
Whirlwind
Dear C,
My darling baby girl, today you are exactly four weeks old. It is so cliche for a new parent to exclaim, “It’s going by too quickly!” and “I can’t believe they’re so big already!” but … it’s just all so true. It is, and you are.
Things are very busy around here, as you know by now. Your brother, D, is a 23-month-old tornado of activity and blabbering and kisses and sticky fingers. He loves you so much, and I am so grateful he has not been jealous of you like I had feared. Instead, he lavishes you with cuddles and kisses at every chance. He even learned to say “Baby” (Well, “Bee”) and sign it at the same time.
When you cry, he signs “Baby cry” and rushes over to murmur gibberish at you, and stroke your soft arms. He also tries to pick you up, but luckily we have always stopped him in time. He has also tried to feed you fake food from his kitchen, because he is so generous. He loves to feel important by adjusting the controls of your swing, as if he knows exactly what setting you prefer and makes it his personal responsibility to adjust it for you.
Things are also busy because Daddy works so much, which means I can’t always get to you immediately if I’m busy with your brother (and vice versa for him). It was wonderful to have Daddy around for those first almost-two weeks, though, wasn’t it? He is a wonderful, amazing Daddy who works so hard for our little family.
When I was pregnant with you, Daddy wondered what he would call you for a nickname (since he calls your brother “Bud”). He tried out a few different names in the hospital at my suggestion, but nothing felt right. I think it was on your second day that he thought of “Peach,” and it was perfect. It is true what everyone says about Daddies having a special connection with their daughters. You are Daddy’s little Peach, and I am overwhelmed when I think about how very much he loves you.
I have struggled in these last four weeks with trying to find a balance between recording and documenting your moments and really LIVING your moments. I take tons of photos of you, but often feel guilty about not blogging and recording the details. I don’t want to forget a moment of this, your babyness.
But there is just not enough time in the day, it seems, to sneak away to the computer to write down the soft curve of your cheek. Or the sweet way you smile in your sleep. Or the teeny tiny nose that you share with your brother and Daddy. Or the delicate shape of your fingers and nails — perfect carbon copies of mine. Or the fluffy tufts of golden brown hair that I fear are going to take on my, um, wild less-than-smooth texture. Don’t worry — Auntie L has already promised to pay for hair-straightening when you’re a teenager if you want it.
Since things are so chaotic with your brother, the only chance I would get to blog about you is during his nap. But more often than not, I have chosen instead to whisk you upstairs into the big bed, and lie with you in the dark. It is during those quiet moments, when I’m nursing you, that I stroke your smooth cheeks and chubby arms and the softness of your hair. You are so warm and squishy, and In the first week that we were home from the hospital, I cried constantly while doing this. I still cry a lot of the days. But don’t worry, because they are happy tears. I just can’t fathom how I got so very lucky. You are so beautiful that it makes my throat hurt.
So please, C, I want you to understand that while you may not see as many blog posts about your newborn-ness as I wrote for D, it is not because I love you any less. I am just choosing to spend my (very limited) down-time drinking you in, and savouring every second, instead of trying to type it all down. This is just all going by way too quickly, and I don’t want to miss a minute.
Love, Mommy
xoxoxo
Choosing sleep
There is a very long list of things I want to do right now.
Nothing especially important, but important to me. I want to sit at the computer and blog. I want to reply to emails. I want to organize certain pesky drawers and cabinets. I particularly want to move everything from our two small diaper bags (one for D, one for C) into our single, larger diaper bag.
But no. I am not doing any of those things.
I am lying down.
In my bed.
Typing this entry on my phone.
Even though I only took sixish weeks of “maternity leave” (a.k.a. I’m self-employed and choosing not to work or get paid), I still can’t just STOP and do nothing. It’s not my nature.
But I am forcing myself to lie down and nap — or at least rest — almost every day, when toddler D is napping. Baby C is sleeping next to me. She will probably wake me up to nurse as soon as I fall asleep, but at least I’m trying.
In just a few weeks, I’ll be running full-tilt all the time. Two kids under two. Freelancing. Housework. Cooking. Laundry.
I will look back and slap myself if I don’t at least TRY to rest now, while I can.
So good night.
xoxo
Five things I’d forgotten about newborns
- They roll their eyes in a creepy way sometimes when they sleep. It’s like they’re possessed! Demon babies! Eeek!
- Their poo doesn’t really stink, but it does have a smell.
- Their legs are so crazy-skinny.
- They don’t respond to your questions, or even smile yet. It’s kind of unrewarding to talk to them at this stage.
- They are impossibly squishy-soft and delicious to snuggle.
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