Paying for childcare when you work at home
This is something I’ve struggled with ever since I started freelancing, when D was just three months old. “If I’m paying for childcare, what’s the point in freelancing? I’ll barely make anything!”
I was utterly CONVINCED that it didn’t make sense to shell out for a sitter when I was pulling in a super-small freelance income — and, yeah, maybe it didn’t (I certainly didn’t hire one).
But then my career actually became a career, and things changed, but I still didn’t think I should or could hire a babysitter.
Let’s take a look back in time and giggle at my naivety, shall we?
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I started working on freelance projects when D was three months old, but — looking back — it was barely anything. I either worked at naptime or once he was in bed after supper. No sweat.
By the time my maternity leave came to an end, I had a lot of other projects on my plate but it still wasn’t crazy. I worked during every naptime and it was a reasonable amount — no sitter required.
We moved from the city to the country (Bedford to Truro, for locals) and that’s when things got trickier. I was pregnant with C, D was a total maniac — scaling counters and destroying everything — and I was trying hard to build up enough work to make this “freelance thing” really work for our (super poor) family.
When C was born, things went from bad to worse. I had NO maternity leave, of course, since I was self-employed. I took about six weeks *mostly* off to recover from my C-section, although I still did a few projects that simply couldn’t be outsourced. Then I was back into the fire, except this time I had TWO kids to deal with on top of my assignments.
I had a whooping bout of post-partum depression, too, although I didn’t really acknowledge it at the time. Darling Husband was working two jobs and life felt absolutely, positively difficult despite the kids’ cuteness.
Should I have had help? YES! Should I have worked less? YUP.
Uh, and things didn’t get any easier once C started crawling and walking. Ugh.
Things were still hard when C turned one and D was three. I had a lot more work at that point, and it was … challenging. I had two potential screamers when I was on phone interviews.
D was in preschool a couple of mornings a week, which gave me time to spend with C BUT of course I couldn’t work with my curly-headed little wrecking ball wandering around. So my only chances for working were when I’d put the kids upstairs for “quiet time.”
Ha! “Quiet” time. Hilarious, right? D would fall asleep a lot of the time, leaving C to wreck everything in sight. She became the official Room Destroyer and OH! DID SHE EVER DESTROY! Diaper cream smeared into the carpet, tampons and pads ripped from their wrappers and wrecked. Or they’d play together and fight. Either way, a lot of me running up and down the stairs instead of working.
So then I broke down and decided to get one-day-a-week childcare and it was WONDERFUL! It was so wonderful that we upgraded to TWO days of childcare each week, and rainbows and sunbeams were shining out of my nostrils because I was so very, very happy with the arrangement. I truly felt like I’d figured out how to get a good balance of being a working mom and a somewhat stay-at-home mom.
But then, after a couple of months of babysitting and only a WEEK of twice-a-week childcare — oh the tease of it all! — the babysitter decided to stop babysitting and get an out-of-the-home job, and it was very sad. Mostly for me.
Which brings me to now …
C started preschool and D started Primary (Kindergarten) and I actually got two hours, twice a week, gift-wrapped on a child-free platter. Two full hours every Tuesday morning and every Tuesday morning in which I could write all alone in a quiet house.
Of course, it’s been great, but … dude, it’s four hours a week! FOUR HOURS IS NOT A LOT. Plus, since D’s bus pick-up is frightfully early in the afternoon, there is no longer any “quiet time” in which I can shush them and try to sneak in some work. There’s just … not.
So this year, I’ve been back to my original stance of knowing I NEED childcare but I really don’t want to PAY for childcare because IS IT WORTH IT? I know it is, in theory, but there’s also the convenience factor. I want someone really close and flexible and trustworthy and also that person doesn’t appear to exist? I don’t want to commit to certain days at a daycare center when Darling Husband might end up being OFF on those days and it would be totally pointless to be paying someone to watch C.
I want my old arrangement, basically, with a lovely babysitter within a super-short walk and I know her and I know the kids there and I feel completely comfortable bringing my children to her. I want THAT, AGAIN, PLEASE. K THANKS.
In the meantime, I’m working at the crack of dawn, during preschool, after lunch while C quietly plays Barbies, in the evenings after the kids are in bed (when necessary) and full days when Darling Husband is off. It’s intense and it is possibly making me dread Christmas because UGH.
Yesterday we had a snow day (NO TWO HOURS OF CHILD-FREE WRITING WHAAAAA?) so I bit the bullet and hired a sweet girl we know to come over for three hours as a mother’s helper (since I’d be home the whole time, and she’s too young to technically babysit alone).
She was a dream — brought a craft for the kids to do, kept them entertained with games, and the TV did not go on ONCE (which is what I have learned to specify from babysitters because, hey, I could stick them in front of the TV for free while I work — and do sometimes, when necessary?) The kids had a wonderful time and I worked for three solid hours, alone in my office. WORTH. EVERY. PENNY.
I have grand plans to hire her on a regular basis, hopefully every week. I don’t have to drive the kids anywhere, they adore her, and it doesn’t have to be one set day of the week so I can plan it around Darling Husband’s rotating work schedule.
So, once again, I’m reminding myself that while paying for childcare means YES, some of the money I’m earning from my freelance jobs is going to someone else. But it’s a worthwhile investment in my career and my sanity — not to mention I don’t feel like such a frazzled mess of a mom.
So do me a favor and remind me of this next time I forget, OK?
Sharing + oversharing every night at the dinner table
We’re usually halfway to the table, carrying the dinner plates or the glasses of milk and water, when our three-year-old begs to go first.
“Please can I talk about my day now?”
When we sit down and agree that she can kick things off, her little eyes look up to the ceiling as if she’s gathering her thoughts in a big bundle — the same way she scoops all of her Barbies into her arms. She loves being the first one to tell us about every detail of her daily adventures.
“Wellllll …” she begins slowly. “Did I have preschool today?” Her memories, while all very exciting, sometimes need to be reminded of what happened on this particular day.
“No, it wasn’t a preschool day,” we’ll prompt her gently. “You had ballet.”
“Ohhhhhhh. Yes.” She’ll pause again and then start at the very beginning, nice and slow. “First … I walk Dexter to da bus stop. Then I eat my bweckfast and then I go to dance cass. And Miss Mehwissa pay the music and we go ‘Eeeeeeeeeeh!’” There are a lot of hand motions in her stories, and often she’ll jump out of her seat to show us exactly how something happened.
And, slowly over the course of 30 or 40 minutes, we will hear about everyone’s day in shimmering, colourful detail.
We used to talk about our day casually, over dinner, but I got more intentional about it once our oldest started Primary in September. In addition to our regular post-school chat (er, interrogation) I wanted a formal chance for all four of us to hear about what happened in each other’s lives that day. Eating dinner together is important! Talking together over dinner is important! We will be the happy family of four just like the one smiling on the box of frozen pizza!
Continue reading in my weekly parenting column, The Mom Scene …
That Holiday Wreath Everybody Has? It’s Totally Easy to DIY
There’s a popular joke on Pinterest about why someone would buy something for $17 when they can make it themselves for $148 worth of craft supplies. Ha ha, yes, let’s all poke fun of the crazy-eyed girl with the bins full of fabric and paint — ahem.
That can certainly happen if you get carried away (how can a store charge $27 for one package of glittery scrapbook stickers?) but most of the time, shrewd DIYers can make something amazing for much, much less than they’d pay for an equivalent item in a store.
One of the best moments, as a hardcore DIYer, is when I unlock the secret of how easy and/or inexpensive it was to make a specific item. Seeing something in a store for five times the amount — or more — than I spent on supplies is like magic!
I’ve been seeing these mesh-y wreaths absolutely everywhere for the last couple of Christmases. People go crazy for them, and I can’t believe the prices on some of them — as much as $150 in some places! Why is that? Because they look lovely and complicated, but the truth is they couldn’t be easier.
So if you’d rather spend $10 or $15 making your own — and save the other $140 for something much more fun — here’s how to DIY this very popular piece of holiday decor.
You need mesh, of course, which is available at every craft store as well as a lot of drugstores at this time of year — two rolls to be safe. That’s all you really need to buy. Some people buy metal wreath forms at the craft store, but I don’t think that’s necessary for a mesh wreath. It’s just a circle, right? I thought. I have plenty of free circles lying around my house!
So I jimmied together a “wreath form” by looping an old white cable a few times and taping it into a circle. Perfect! Then I took the end of the mesh, scrunched it into a point, and taped it to the circle — yep, with plain old Scotch tape. Now, of course, you could (should?) use wire or even zip-ties, but tape works just fine if the wreath isn’t going to be exposed to many elements. (Our front porch is covered and the wreath is holding up great.)
Continue reading in my weekly DIY column, My Handmade Home …
The Self-Employment Meltdown: Pre-Christmas edition
When I worked in an office, this would have been a fun time of year.
Work would have been winding down before Christmas. There would be an office Christmas party — like, with actual people other than just me. There would be Secret Santa gift exchanges in each department.
There would be candy canes in bowls for people to help themselves, and boxes of chocolates brought in to share. There would be lazy days where someone suggests an impromptu lunch and we all gaily filed outside together in search of a restaurant.
Did I mention work would be WINDING DOWN?
This year — and, well, the last five years of self-employment — that is not the case. You’re busier than EVER because your editors are trying to get ahead of holiday deadlines and that means MOAR STORRRRREEEEEEES and your corporate clients are trying to wrap up projects before the end of the year which means MOAAAAR COPY-COPY and that’s all very good because it also means more money, but … there are only 24 hours in a day, last time I checked?
This is made even worse by the fact that this is an EXPENSIVE time of year and the UPS guy and the Purolator guy have been visiting me daily to drop off gifts (which I ordered in a mad rush panic in between phone interviews since I can’t leave my house to get to the mall, ever). This makes me poorer than usual and therefore 200% more likely to accept assignments in order to not be quite so poor.
(These problems don’t exist in those “salary” jobs I’ve heard so much about, FYI.)
Also, the kids have extra activities at this time of year (concerts! other concerts! parties! merriment!) and that cuts down on my available work time. Because I’m self-employed, I feel the need to be THAT MOM who gets INVOLVED and that is probably a MISTAKE. *giggles shrilly* I volunteered at the elementary school’s Christmas dinner yesterday and served hundreds of scoops of mashed potatoes instead of writing a story I should have been writing. It was both good and bad. I don’t know.
I don’t feel merry. I don’t feel excited. I’m thigh-high in anxiety and it certainly does not feel like the most wonderful time of the year. I think I’m mostly looking forward to Christmas Day because it’s a day I won’t have to write a single sentence or talk on the phone at all, which is sad but true. #burnout is real, and it’s hereeeeeee.
So did you catch all that? No? How about a nice list?
Very Specific Examples of How My Life is a Disaster Right Now:
1. I am not wearing socks because I don’t have any clean ones. Literally none. This never happens, so you know the laundry situation is dire.
2. Our house looks like this most of the time, and it’s eating away at my soul.
https://www.instagram.com/p/-1oqaftIRs/
3. I am writing until words are spewing out of my ears, and it’s not enough. I worked all day yesterday. I worked straight through cheerleading practice last night and didn’t look up once. When I did have to leave the house, I did phone interviews on my iPhone (cringing at the thought of the long distance charges). Then I came home, put the kids to bed, and worked some more. I actually wish I had the ability to write while driving because maybe I could finally feel caught up?
4. I have piles of not-quite-finished and not-even-started DIY projects to make for my column and they taunt me while I write about boring stuff. I want to get to you, lovely projects! I do! And I know I have to because you’re due but this other stuff is due first and aughhhhh!
5. I ordered our Christmas cards a zillion months ago (they’re so cute!) and they sat on my desk in a pathetic stack until I managed to address (one-handed) most of them last week during my iron infusion at the hospital. Then they sat on the counter for another 4-5 days until I managed to address the last few. Then they finally got mailed yesterday so I guess no one is getting our cards promptly on Dec. 1 like usual because IT ALREADY HAPPENED LIKE TWO WEEKS AGO.
6. The menu board hasn’t been updated since LAST SUNDAY and staring at the meals we ate LAST WEEK is almost as depressing as the (totally unplanned) meals we have actually eaten this week.
7. Yesterday afternoon, Darling Husband stopped at the store (mid-week! alarm bells!) to pick up “something easy” he could make, and he bought STORE BRAND CHICKEN NUGGETS THAT MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE HAD A GREY TINGE. *faints*
8. Oh, it gets better. My dinner yesterday was a baggie of cold oven fries (I wouldn’t eat the nuggets) which were stuffed in my mouth while driving to/from cheer practice.
9. I keep missing Zumba classes. Work is taking priority. This doesn’t help my mood.
10. Some of the gifts are wrapped, but … not that many of them. Just the ones I could do with C one morning.
11. I’m at that weird spot with Christmas shopping where I could consider myself “done” but feel like a few people may not have quite enough, so … not done, I guess? For someone who always prides herself on finishing in early November (or even October) I’m in a total Shame Spiral.
12. It’s December 11 and we have yet to write our letters to Santa — although we did “email” him quickly to confirm their gift selections before I, uh, ordered them online — or visit Santa at the mall for our annual screamy photo.
13. I’m too busy to even …
14 … properly finish
15. this post …
Must run to bloodwork now, and then a press conference, and then writing writing writing writing writing writing until all of the crap on my kitchen counters joins forces with the junk heaped on the stairs and it plots to kill me in my sleep (which I’ll be doing at my desk, facedown in a puddle of cold tea and wet Post-Its scribbed with deadlines).
xo
Bar cart? Nah, how about a tea cart?
So Chairish inspired me to style one of their awesome bar carts, and I was flattered because I’m not really a mood board person — let alone a maker of mood boards that could be considered share-worthy!
(I’m more of a pin-lots-of-ideas and run-madly-to-the-store-on-a-whim kind of girl.)
A bar cart was actually kind of a funny thing for me to be asked to style because I don’t drink alcohol. So I decided to pick the Vintage Italian Marquetry Inlaid Serving Cart because it had a very Laura Ingalls Wilder vibe (which I’m super into) and make … a tea cart!
How dreamy would it be to have this in my dining room, styled with dainty tea cups and platters and cake pedestals — already to have a few girlfriends over for tea and scones while our kids ran wild downstairs in the toyroom? Ahhh …
Thanks to Chairish for inspiring the idea! This was fun — and now I totally need another cup of tea. Maybe a warm tea biscuit, too. Mmm.
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Heather's Handmade Life 