When your kids demand "a friend" … constantly
One of the main reasons we chose to have two children was so they could play with each other. We even chose to have them close in age — a year and a half apart — to increase the odds they’d enjoy hanging out together. It made sense at the time, since my husband and I both grew up with much-older or much-younger siblings.
So why oh WHY are my son and daughter constantly harassing me to get them “a friend” to play with?!
It’s a phenomenon I’ve been noticing way too often lately. Sure, they’ve always loved having friends over to play and they’ve always gone absolutely berserk when they get the fun of playing at someone else’s house. But these days? I shoo them out to play and they come back a few minutes later, whining about whose door they can go knock on so they have “a friend to play with.”
“You have each other! Play with each other!” I call through the screen door in frustration, usually with one eye on the computer as I’m on a deadline.
“But we want a friend!”
“YOU ARE EACH OTHER’S BEST FRIEND!”
//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.js Luckily, they are close enough in age that one friend is suitable for both of them. They have no qualms about “sharing” the friend I manage to wrangle up, and I hope that continues for a long, long time.
I’m not the only parent on the block whose kids are obsessed with the novelty of “a friend” instead of a sibling. I’ve negotiated some pretty sweet trade-offs where a friend comes into our house to play for a while, and then they all trek over to the friend’s house to play there. It’s great when it works out.
But here’s the thing: modern playdate etiquette involves scheduling, even if it’s just shooting your friend a text and asking if her kids are free to come out and play. This is seriously how my kids arrange to play with their friends next-door if no one goes outside first to get things rolling.
Kids don’t use the telephone these days. They don’t call each other after school, winding the curly plastic cord around their fingers because there is no cord. Mine have memorized our home phone number but have never once answered the phone or made a call. Kids today ask their parents to text. When I told my son I didn’t have someone’s number once, he suggested I “send them a Facebook.”
I can’t blame them because we’re all phone-phobic these days, except when it comes to texting and emailing people. I have telephoned my next-door neighbour maybe twice in the four and a half years we’ve lived is this house — and it was only because it was urgent. It felt weird to talk on the phone even though we see each other in person every single day, outside.
So if we don’t call and texting isn’t always possible, how are we supposed to arrange these last-minute playdates for our kiddos, Desperately Seeking Friends? I cringe at the thought of my kids running down the street and banging on doors to see if their friends are free, even though I know that’s exactly what kids are supposed to do.
I always have a momentary flash of panic when our doorbell rings and I’m not expecting an online shopping package. How could I inflict that on others?!
Until our kids all have phones of their own and can text each other about hanging out — or, more likely, just stay inside and text each other all afternoon — I think I’m going to have to bite the bullet and channel my inner ’90s parent.
You’re bored of playing with each other? You want a friend? Fine. Go knock on doors. See who can come out and play. Stay where I can see you from the house, and don’t go inside without calling me. You remember our phone number, right? No, hon, you can’t text from a landline. No, a phone number isn’t Facebook. Just … just find a friend and bring them back to our yard, OK?
Chippy furniture finish with milk paint
Curb Giveaway Week is one of my favourite weeks of the year, and last month I managed to get two gorgeous old chairs (and a really cool table that will make an appearance in this column soon, I’m sure).
Some people would have left them as-is, and not messed with their natural finish. But we all know I’m not that girl.
They sat on my porch while I decided what to do with them, and I finally decided I would swap out the white-painted Windsor chairs at the head of our table for these babies — painted, of course.
I sanded them down and went to Onslow Historic Lumber for Miss Mustard Seed Milk Paint in Luckett’s Green — no, it is not named after Pete Luckett, although it would make sense because wouldn’t his paint colour be a nice, fresh green? We have bits of green throughout our main level — which is heavy on the blue, white, and grey — so it was a safe choice.
Here’s the thing about milk paint: if you use it on raw wood, it will never chip or flake off because it’s almost like a stain. If you use it on finished wood — like these chairs — you need to mix it with a bonding agent so it will adhere. But there’s a special third option that Miss Mustard Seed herself is famous for: the chippy look.
To get the chippy look, you skip the bonding agent and just do a bit of sanding. I sanded like crazy over the areas where I wanted the paint to stick really well, and just sanded lightly on other spots that would naturally show some wear.
Once you mix up the paint (equal parts water and milk paint powder), it’s kind of a fun adventure because you’re still not totally sure where the paint will adhere and where it will chip. As I brushed green paint over the wood and it dried, it stuck nicely in certain areas and started to chip immediately in others.
If the paint chips too much in one area and you don’t like the look, give it a hard sand and try again. I knew I wanted the backs of the chairs to be well-covered so I sanded those areas really well for minimal chipping.
Remember, you need to lightly sand the piece once you’re done painting so that might cause more areas to flake off. There were some areas that didn’t chip at all, so I roughed those up a bit with low-grit sandpaper until I got the look I wanted.
After one light, cautious sand, the chairs were ready to be sealed. Some people would leave them unsealed — or just add a coat of furniture wax — but then the piece might continue to chip over the months and years.
I wanted to freeze my chippy-look in time, so I brushed it with two coats of Miss Mustard Seed Milk Paint’s Tough Coat sealer. It goes on milky but dries clear, and there’s even a matte version available now.
Since the original tacked leather were splattered with paint (and not really worth keeping in the first place), I bought two squares of thin foam and sewed a couple of cushion covers.
I’m obsessed with this old-fashioned rose-printed fabric (“Downtown Lace” by Sasha K. Studios, bought at Atlantic Fabrics) even though it’s not something I’d normally choose. It goes with the old style of the chairs and it just makes me want to sit down and have a cup of tea.
I’m sure these chairs had a long, interesting life before they came to live at our house, but I hope they’re happy in their new style!
10 lessons learned while breastfeeding
I breastfed my two children for a combined total of 29 months and I learned a LOT along the way — mostly that it’s really obnoxious when parents refer to everything in months instead of years.
While it wound up being the right decision for our family, I had an extremely rocky start with breastfeeding. It was frustrating to hear stories of how it seemed to come naturally to everyone else. I felt like everyone was staring at me. I had no idea what I was supposed to wear or act, or if I was doing everything wrong. Pulling up my shirt in public was new and terrifying.
So hold onto your breast pads and grab a cup of decaf. Here are the top 10 pieces of breastfeeding wisdom I wish I could have told myself back when I was a brand-new (totally clueless) mom …
1. The beginning is not going to be pretty.
I know you’re determined to make it work, and that stubborn streak is going to come in handy. Breastfeeding may come naturally for those serene ladies in the brochures, cradling a newborn with ease as it models the perfect latch, but it’s not going to be easy for you at first. You’re going to be a sweaty, frantic mess as you awkwardly hold the baby’s head and squeeze yourself and try to smoosh Tab A into Slot B.
2. People are going to touch you.
Welcome every single squeeze and reposition (um, from medical professionals only) because you want every bit of advice you can get. Nurses, lactation consultations, experienced moms — whip ’em out for anyone who can either offer a suggestion or reassure you that you’re doing it right.
3. It’s going to hurt at first.
This isn’t true for everyone, of course, but it’s true for you. In the very beginning, the pain will curl your toes and nurses will blame the latch, but that doesn’t do anything to help the pain. There’s nothing to do except to keep working on that latch and load up on the good prescription nipple cream.
4. But then it won’t.
In that first week, you’ll tearfully wonder why women choose to put themselves through the torture of having their breasts feel like they’ve been rubbed raw by a cheese grater. But little by little, it’s going to stop hurting like that. Three or four weeks in, your skin will heal and the baby will get his latch-act together and it’s not going to hurt at all. You’ll wonder if you were exaggerating about the pain. (You weren’t.)
5. You don’t need to buy nursing clothes in order to breastfeed.
Stop wasting your money on ugly $40 tops (two for $55!) that tie awkwardly and promise no one will see your goodies. Wear the V-necks, button-downs and tank tops you already own, and stop buying into the hype.
6. Seriously, you bought a nursing nightgown?!
(So did I.) You do realize that is just a stretchy-necked nightgown that’s three times expensive because it has the word “nursing” on the tag, right? Yes, I know it’s cute, but just wear your regular old PJs and yank up the top! You’re in your own home!
7. Your nursing cover does not need to be as large as a tent and as thick as a duvet.
You’re concealing boobs, not gold bars. You will try out many different styles of nursing covers and in the end, your favourite will be the short, simple one made of the thinnest, lightest cotton imaginable. *gasp* All of your silly worries about an errant splash of milk making it “see-though” will be forgotten because it’s so cool and comfortable.
8. Don’t hide in the bathroom.
You know that “breastfeeding-family” bathroom at the mall where the rocking chair is almost touching the toilet? Ew! Skip it! I know you’re years away from the advent of really nice nursing lounges and signs in restaurants inviting you in for free cups of tea while you’re nursing (how great are those?!) but there are still chairs, benches, food courts, and lots of perfectly acceptable places to sit down in public and breastfeed.
9. Not everyone is looking at you.
I know, I know — it feels like every perv in sight is ogling you as you struggle with your baby’s latch, but they’re not. Some senior citizens will tsk-tsk you but it’s only because they’re set in their ways. And, yes, there is always going to be that one creepy man hoping to sneak a peek. He’ll keep walking if you give him the Death Stare and maybe snap your teeth at him.
10. You will miss it when it’s over.
It doesn’t feel like it when you’re the only one who can feed the baby in the middle of the night because he hates thawed breastmilk.
It doesn’t feel like it when you’re hooked up to your breast pump like a dairy cow, trying to juice your own body just so you can leave a fresh bottle on the counter and escape the house for an hour.
It certainly doesn’t feel like it during cluster feeds when your breasts feel like two empty wallets.
But there will come a day when you wish it was still that easy to feed, nourish and comfort your child. You’ll miss the lazy way lifting up your shirt was a quick fix for anything — hunger, boredom, exhaustion, a scary tumble off the couch.
You’ll long for the days when they looked up at you with those big eyes and tangled their chubby fingers around your hair.
You’ll smile fondly at the nervous nursing mothers you pass, trying to erase all of her self-conscious worries with a little nod that says “I’ve been there. You’re doing a great job.”
How to layer Miss Mustard Seed’s Milk Paint for an aged effect
Remember these yellow stools in our kitchen? They lasted exactly six months before I was itching to redo them. I love yellow — really love it — but over time it felt like it was getting brighter and bolder. I could barely appreciate the beadboard peninsula or the white subway tile because those stools were screaming anything-but-mellow yellow.
But here’s something you probably already know about me: I dislike being wrong, and I hate backtracking of any kind. I recently got myself lost in the woods near our home because I refused to turn around when I suspected I was going the wrong way. So I didn’t want to completely remove the yellow milk paint, but I also didn’t want to keep it there. What’s a DIYer to do? Layer it with more milk paint!
I got started by removing the layer of clear furniture wax with a bit of odourless solvent, and then I gave them a light sand. Then I used a beeswax puck to rub different areas of the stool so the new paint wouldn’t stick to all of the yellow — mostly around the edges and on the cracks between the boards.
Continue reading in my weekly DIY column, My Handmade Home …
Desperately seeking a fresh approach
I’m that person that constantly moves around the living room furniture, just for a change.
I don’t even remember all of the different combinations. Sometimes I move things around in a way that isn’t really functional, just for the sake of something NEW, visually.
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I love working from home, but spending so much time in such a tiny room can be … difficult. This room is home to a lot of STUFF (namely fabric) and a lot of in-progress projects, and yet it also has to be a space where I can do interviews, meet deadlines, write articles, work on my novel, blog, and in general try to be a “professional.”
It’s hard to keep all of that contained to a little basement room without feeling claustrophobic, uninspired, crowded, frustrated, overwhelmed, and depressed.
And so even though my home office was “redone” less than two years ago, going from the bubble-gum pink I chose before I ever believed I’d have a daughter to a bold red with lots of black and white, I was ready for another shake-up. I needed a shake-up. I wanted to love this room again.
The walls are staying, the gallery wall is staying, and my totally awesome built-in desk is staying, but we’re in the middle of some pretty major changes that will give me more work surfaces and prettier storage.
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Stay tuned for the big reveal in the next couple of weeks. I’m already feeling ALL of the heart-eyed emojis for it and it’s not even done.
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Heather's Handmade Life 