The stay-at-home dad
Jon Gosselin, 2007: “When I think about what Kate’s doing at home — all day, every day — there is no way I’d want to be there, doing that. I’m grateful for my job.”
Jon Gosselin, 2009: “I’m basically a stay-at-home dad, while Kate’s away promoting her book.”
Jon didn’t want to be a stay-at-home dad. I absolutely think he loves his kids, but didn’t want to be a stay-at-home dad.
And that’s fine.
We’ll never know exactly what happened between him and Kate, but somewhere along the way, they swapped roles. She went from staying home with the kids full-time to traveling to promote her books and her shows. He went from working full-time, out of the house, to staying home with the kids.
I have never been at a stay-at-home parent — not yet, at least — so I really can’t say if I would get sick of it. It’s possible that I will long to return to work full-time before our kids are in school (haha, but doubtful).
But I think it’s strange/telling/interesting/something that it is usually the dads who don’t want to stay at home with their kids. Sure, there are women who would tear off their eyelashes at the idea of staying home. But you must admit — it’s true, for the most part.
While I am salivating at the idea of staying home raising our children, Darling Husband would not choose to stay home. He loves working, to the point where he is getting anxious about his vacay next week. He’ll miss being there, he told me last night. So cute.
He would if he needed to — if we lived in a fantasy world where I made a zillion dollars or something — but he would prefer that it was me. He has often said that he likes the idea of me being home with our kids, because of my schoolteacher-ish ways — reading, healthy snacks, field trips, etc. He admits that if he stayed home, they would lie on the couch and watch TV.
In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, I can’t help but wonder … Are there more stay-at-home mommies because it’s a natural instinct? Because they think it’s “proper”? Is it that the daddies make more money? Is it that the daddies would prefer to be the breadwinners?
I think it’s different for everybody. It’s just a matter of what works best for your family.
I want to be a basketball girl!
Met the CUTEST little pregnant girl tonight.
She was a total basketball girl. At first, I didn’t even realize that she was pregnant. Then she swung around and I saw the huge-o bump.
Of course, I was around my colleagues, so I couldn’t very well act like my usual preggo groupie self! I played it cool, asked when she was due — TWO WEEKS, holy — and complimented her on being a basketball girl.
She totally knew what I meant, and appreciated the compliment, but everyone else looked at me strangely.
I want to be a basketball girl! But I fear that only skinny girls actually end up being basketball girls. And when you have curves to begin with, you might just look like yourself … only rounder.
NOTE TO SELF: When the time comes, belt dresses and loose tops above the bump (as shown above) — might make me look more pregnant and less french-fry-lovin’.
Babies: tiny marriage destoyers?
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
The Globe and Mail just published an article called, Darling, this baby is coming between us, that talks about how having children can ruin a marriage.
I can understand that having children puts more financial stress on a couple. And makes it harder for the couple to spend time together. But actually wreck their marriage?
Not only that, but apparently people with one child are happier than people with two or more children. According to the story, kids = marital stress, and more kids = more marital stress. So some couples are choosing to deprive their child of a sibling — a lifelong best friend — just because they think it could lead to divorce.
Um, is it just me, but I thought kids were supposed to enrich your life, and make you happier, and fill you up with wonderful, indescribable feelings??? Is any of that actually true?
I love you. Please leave me alone.
Darling Husband and I have been together for a long time — since junior year of high school — so we often get the whole, “Wow-you-guys-have-been-together-forever-what’s-your-secret?” question …
The truth? Being together for almost a decade doesn’t mean it gets easier. Our relationship — like every relationship — takes work. And some of that “work” is knowing when to get the hell away from each other.
Yup, if I could sum up our relationship-saving advice, it would be two words: “time alone.”
“Honey, I love you … now please go to the other room.”
I have seen couples — friends, even — who spend every possible minute together. And you know what? It usually ends badly.
People need to be alone sometimes.
People like to be alone sometimes.
If you spend too much time with someone — whether it’s your parent, sibling, best friend, or partner — you are going to be cranky and fight about the stupidest stuff, just because you are sick of each other but don’t realize it.
When Darling Husband and I were dating — and still living at our parents’ places — we would hang out constantly. I would stay at his parents’ place until the wee hours. We would talk on the phone for an hour or so once I got home.
I was tired a lot, from staying up late, but I didn’t want to stop the late-night chats. We squabbled quite a bit, because we were constantly together. I barely had time to read. But I never once thought about spending less time together. I wanted to be with him all the time … right? …
When we moved into our first apartment together, things relaxed a bit. Spending time together was easier, because … well, we lived together. I was able to go into another room and paint or read, knowing that he was in the other room watching TV. Call me possessive, but having him in the other room was much better than having him two towns away.
It has only improved over the years. Now that we’re older, wiser, blah blah blah, we appreciate time alone even more — and we really recognize its importance.
On date night sometimes, we will come home from work, make dinner, eat dinner, clean up, and then — poof! — my patience expires. I have been on the go since 6 or 7 a.m., dealing with people and putting on a happy face, and suddenly I just can’t take it anymore.
So, recognizing that I could erupt at any second, Darling Husband will cautiously suggest we go our separate ways for an hour or two. I read a book or make a craft, he plays a little PS3 or goes on the computer, and then we’re good to meet up for the second half of the evening. We are both more relaxed, and happy to see each other.
All is good.
Seriously — being alone has kept us together.
As featured on …
Heather's Handmade Life 