Heather's Handmade Life

Love notes

Posted on July 27, 2009 by Heather Laura Clarke

Sometimes I’m not sure we’re on the same page …

Posted on July 27, 2009 by Heather Laura Clarke

Taking a deep breath

Posted on July 26, 2009 by Heather Laura Clarke

I know it was only our first month or trying, so I shouldn’t have had my hopes up so soon. But I’m only human, and I did. Hopes were sky-high. Seeing the negative test last night was harder than I expected.

I did some Googling, and basically confirmed everything I already knew. It takes an average of six months to conceive. We just need to try again next month. The important thing is not to get stressed out.

While I was browsing the TTC forums, it was comforting to read the stories and comments from other women who are trying to conceive. It reaffirmed that we are just starting out, and that there is no need to panic yet.

And then I saw a link to the most beautiful music video …

I Would Die For That

by Kellie Coffey

Jenny was my best friend.
Went away one summer.
Came back with a secret
She just couldn’t keep.
A child inside her,
Was just too much for her
So she cried herself to sleep.

And she made a decision
Some find hard to accept.
Too young to know that one day
She might live to regret.

But I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that she had.
I would die for that.

I’ve been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We’re told not to give up.
He wonders if it’s him.
And I wonder if it’s me.

All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won’t understand it
If it’s not meant to be.

Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it’s like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I’d give up!
I would die for that.

Sometimes it’s hard to conceive,
With all that I’ve got,
And all I’ve achieved,
What I want most
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
“I love you, Mom.”

I would die for that.
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it’s like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die …
I would die for that.

How many lines?

Posted on July 24, 2009 by Heather Laura Clarke

3 Comments

How many lines? That would be one. Just one.

I’m not pregnant. And I’m kind of down, if I’m being totally honest.

I know I’m taking it early, and the First Response package said it was only about 68% effective to test this early. But I couldn’t wait. I was so sure.

Before I took the test, I told myself that if it came up negative, I would test again if my period doesn’t start by early next week. But I really felt like it was going to be positive. And now the idea of taking another one on Monday or Tuesday … makes me feel like this is going to happen all over again.

I was so hopeful. And now I just feel sad.

By the numbers

Posted on July 24, 2009 by Heather Laura Clarke

3 Comments

Months ago, I blogged about how the church was encouraging newly-married Catholics — like me and Darling Husband — to track fertility.

The idea is that by … um … daily hoo-ha inspection and recording, you can figure out the “safe” times to have sex (if you don’t want kids yet), and the “good” times to have sex (if you are trying to conceive).

Darling Husband dismissed the “scientifically-proven” method as total crap. I was sucked into it at first, but had to agree that it could not qualify as birth control. So we Trojan-ed it up until we were in the clear.

However, learning about cycle tracking was helpful — even if we’re not going to trust it as birth control. I started tracking when I went off the pill in February, so that when we began trying to conceive, I would know which days were “good.”

Enter my handy-dandy calendar …

I started by making a red mark on my FDLP — first day of my period. That would officially be “Day 1.”
Then I would use smaller markers to track how long it lasted. Although, unless you are doing the try-this-as-birth-control junk, I don’t think you need to track that …

Then it’s all smooth sailing, until you are almost two weeks past the FDLP, when you start to get that … you know, slippy sensation …

Without getting too graphic — or have I already? — you make a bright blue mark on the day you suspect you are ovulating (egg whites … I’m not saying more). And continue to mark the couple of days after that, because you also have a chance to conceive then.

So blue dots = lots of action. Got that?

The next mark you make is another bright red (or pink) one on the first day of your next period — about four weeks after the first day of your last one. Everyone’s different, but these days are usually 28-30 days apart. This is the next official “Day 1.”

You can continue to mark the days of your period, if you feel like it.

Now that you know how long your cycle is, you can make a little pink-and-blue mark about five days before your FDLP. This mark shows you when you are clear to take a test.

Once you do this for a few months, you can “estimate” when you’ll get your period, and then work backwards five days to see when you can test.

My super-cool counter says I can take a pregnancy test on Sunday, but this calendar says I could have taken one yesterday. The First Response commericals do say you can take it five days before your period is set to begin.

Between the possible cravings, the blahness, the nausea, the dizziness, the metal-mouth, and the saliva overload …

… I think I know what I’m buying after work tonight!