S to the I-C-K

I rarely take sick days, because I’m one of those people who believes the office will implode if I am not there to oversee everything. But I was suffering all last night/this a.m. with a sore throat/runny nose/thick head, so I gave in and stayed home.

And … it’s a little weird.

It feels I’m in elementary school and it’s a snow day. It’s not a weekend, you aren’t supposed to be home, but yet … you are. It’s bright outside and it’s like 11 a.m., and you’re here, inside. Watching daytime TV and stuff.

I imagine it feels kind of like this when you are a SAHM? Granted, I am not looking after a crying baby, but I am taking care of myself — and I’m a whiny person — plus Little Dog. Plus, I will still be puttering around, doing dishes, etc. All in the daytime, while Darling Husband is at work.

I am almost enjoying it in a way — other than the burning/itchy throat and running nose. I am that kind of person that really enjoys being home. I am going to read, sew, watch a little TV, and make something simple but yummy for supper. Maybe something nourishing and SAHM-ish, like … beef stew?

I like this calm feeling that I have now. I like being tucked up in my house, all day, with a manageable to-do list and some nice free time. I am still in my PJs. I’m on my fourth mug of tea (oops, must start lowering caffeine consumption). It’s very nice. I’m not racing around the office halls with my BlackBerry, or herding people into a meeting. I am just … mellow-mellow.

Hmmm, this could also be the DayQuil talking.

The necessary hold-off

I started this blog on Jan. 1, when I proclaimed 2009 to be “my year of preparation.” It looks like 2010 will most likely be the year of the blessed event, and I am not planning to go off the pill until my re-fills are up in the fall.
However …

Yes, there is a “however.” You know us girls, we can never make outright statements like that, and always be expected to stick with them.

So I said 2009 was the year of the Great Planning-ness, but in the back of my mind, I always held onto the little “maybe” that squeaked, “Maybe you and Darling Husband will decide to try this year.”

Of course I had that “maybe”! I am only human, after all, and clearly have a one-track (READ: baby) mind. But then, this week, things changed …

You see, my most special friend — let’s call her Best Friend, because, well, she is. Best Friend is getting married this summer, and I am her Matron of Honour. I am very excited about her wedding, as I adore her and her fiance, and her parents. It will be a beautiful wedding, and I’m so proud to be standing up there with her.

So I’ve known the wedding date for like, a year, but it’s only recently that I — and the bridesmaids — have been getting involved in the planning. We went for dress fittings last week, and while they did not have my dress, I tried on something very similar. It was gorgeous, and I loved flouncing around in it. I was so excited! The wedding is only a few months away, and it is finally starting to seem real!

After they took down my measurements and ordered my dress, I was asked to sign a piece of paper that basically guarenteed I would not get pregnant before the wedding — hence making the dress un-wearable.

“Ooh! I promise not to get pregnant before your wedding,” I joked with Best Friend. “God, can you imagine?”

She laughed along with me, as we imagined the awfulness that would be a knocked-up Matron of Honour.

It was only later that I realized what I had signed. I swore — both on paper, and to my Bestie — that I would absolutely, positively not get pregnant before her wedding. And I meant it! There is no way I would dream of doing that to her. Even if I was only a smidgers pregnant, what if I puked up at the altar and ruined her wedding? Blahhhhh!

So while in my head, all along, my mind was murmuring, “Yes, 2010 … but really, anytime!” it actually needs to be chanting, “Not until August. Not until August!”

Sunday morning

Today I feel lonely for a baby that is not even born conceived yet.

It is a regular sort of Sunday. Darling Husband is working. I have had breakfast, walked Little Dog, done laundry, etc. I still have a list of things to get done, but … the day just feels sort of empty.

I should stop here for a sec, and explain that I am not a person to get bored easily. I’m very into crafts/sewing/painting — anything, really that involves a gluegun or my trusty Singer. I always have several projects going at once, as well as several books.

But today, I just feel out of sorts. I am too distracted to craft or read. Baby Fever is hitting hard.

The house seems empty in a way that I never noticed before. I feel like I can almost picture my baby here with me. It almost feels weird that they are not here yet.

I don’t know how it is possible to miss someone you have never met, but today, I do …