The necessary hold-off

I started this blog on Jan. 1, when I proclaimed 2009 to be “my year of preparation.” It looks like 2010 will most likely be the year of the blessed event, and I am not planning to go off the pill until my re-fills are up in the fall.
However …

Yes, there is a “however.” You know us girls, we can never make outright statements like that, and always be expected to stick with them.

So I said 2009 was the year of the Great Planning-ness, but in the back of my mind, I always held onto the little “maybe” that squeaked, “Maybe you and Darling Husband will decide to try this year.”

Of course I had that “maybe”! I am only human, after all, and clearly have a one-track (READ: baby) mind. But then, this week, things changed …

You see, my most special friend — let’s call her Best Friend, because, well, she is. Best Friend is getting married this summer, and I am her Matron of Honour. I am very excited about her wedding, as I adore her and her fiance, and her parents. It will be a beautiful wedding, and I’m so proud to be standing up there with her.

So I’ve known the wedding date for like, a year, but it’s only recently that I — and the bridesmaids — have been getting involved in the planning. We went for dress fittings last week, and while they did not have my dress, I tried on something very similar. It was gorgeous, and I loved flouncing around in it. I was so excited! The wedding is only a few months away, and it is finally starting to seem real!

After they took down my measurements and ordered my dress, I was asked to sign a piece of paper that basically guarenteed I would not get pregnant before the wedding — hence making the dress un-wearable.

“Ooh! I promise not to get pregnant before your wedding,” I joked with Best Friend. “God, can you imagine?”

She laughed along with me, as we imagined the awfulness that would be a knocked-up Matron of Honour.

It was only later that I realized what I had signed. I swore — both on paper, and to my Bestie — that I would absolutely, positively not get pregnant before her wedding. And I meant it! There is no way I would dream of doing that to her. Even if I was only a smidgers pregnant, what if I puked up at the altar and ruined her wedding? Blahhhhh!

So while in my head, all along, my mind was murmuring, “Yes, 2010 … but really, anytime!” it actually needs to be chanting, “Not until August. Not until August!”

Sunday morning

Today I feel lonely for a baby that is not even born conceived yet.

It is a regular sort of Sunday. Darling Husband is working. I have had breakfast, walked Little Dog, done laundry, etc. I still have a list of things to get done, but … the day just feels sort of empty.

I should stop here for a sec, and explain that I am not a person to get bored easily. I’m very into crafts/sewing/painting — anything, really that involves a gluegun or my trusty Singer. I always have several projects going at once, as well as several books.

But today, I just feel out of sorts. I am too distracted to craft or read. Baby Fever is hitting hard.

The house seems empty in a way that I never noticed before. I feel like I can almost picture my baby here with me. It almost feels weird that they are not here yet.

I don’t know how it is possible to miss someone you have never met, but today, I do …

The best (pant) shape (pant) of my life?


So … tired …

Abs … so sore …
How is my newly-acquired fitness regime going, you ask? Well, I have the battle wounds — sore abs and legs — to prove that it must be doing something.
This past week I went to three pilates classes and hit the gym for a cardio session once. I also walked my butt home twice — and that walk includes a big ol’ hill.
Things are going OK on the food-front, but I was too busy to do much cooking this week. Am planning a big grocery-shop today, and can hopefully prepare and freeze a few things this evening. Yay me!
In the middle of a particularly gruelling exercise on Friday — using some kind of strange pilates hoop thing — it did occur to me that I am going to get in the best shape of my life, only to get pregnant and begin re-chubbifying …
… Yes, well …
I still don’t have an answer for that, but I am still pretty sure that I am doing the right thing. Health, etc., blah blah. 
Must go eat celery now, and try to put that thought out of my head!