There are plenty of times when I really remember what it was like to be a kid and feel connected to my son and daughter. Wrapping a fruit roll-up around your index finger and then chewing it off? Heck yes! Intertwining your feet with a friend’s feet on the swings? Totally did that — although can’t remember why it’s a thing.
But there are also moments when they’re into something I can’t — for the life of me — understand. I could go on all day, but here are eight kiddie fads that drive me crazy.
Why are you so obsessed with this hideously expensive pieces of molded plastic? They are this generation’s Polly Pocket: too small to be any good and far too easy to lose. I understand that you have “shops” to set them up in, and little tiny shopping carts to load them into. And then they came out with a series of strange dolls that are supposed to … what, buy the weird little doughnut? Eat it? Then that doughnut should have a terrified little face, not a cheerful winky one. #cannibalism
(I may not “get it,” but our daughter is getting a lot of these little guys for Christmas. Sigh.)
Speaking of a waste of money, let’s talk about Mashems. Why do we have to pay $5 for a squishy little figurine of Rubble or Ariel or Nemo? These pieces of crap would have come out of a gumball prize machine back in the ’90s. What is the appeal of squishing them in your hands? They get all grubby and the details get ripped off and sometimes you smoosh them so tightly that they burst. What’s in them to make them squishy, anyway? Because I have had to wipe that mystery liquid off my daughter’s face several times.
These are a recent discovery, and — from what I can tell — they’re pretty much just Mashems with a hole in their butts for a pencil. You get four for 10 bucks and there are Ninja Turtles and DC Comics superheroes. Who is buying these for their children and letting them take them to school?! I’m pretty sure elementary school teachers don’t want their students playing with TOYS on their PENCILS when they’re trying to work!