1. Be grateful you don’t have to rush around getting everybody dressed and into snowpants and making breakfast and lunch and packing schoolbags.
2. Oh … but all that rushing around is your ticket to freedom (well, two hours of it while the littlest one is at preschool). Silently mourn the notion that you were going to be able to do your work IN PEACE for at least a little while today.
3. Serve popcorn for breakfast while you watch a movie together because it’s only 7 a.m. and damnnnn it’s gonna be a long day. Plus, you’re going to want to show them you can be a Fun Mom Who Does Fun Stuff before OMG-I’m-on-deadline-Mom makes an appearance in a couple of hours.
4. Dress everybody in snow gear and shoo them outside. Set up the laptop so you can somewhat keep an eye on them while they run around the backyard. Begin working.
5. Panic when the power goes off three minutes before a very important phone call. Your cordless phones are all dead and your iPhone has 42% battery life. Thank God you have a rotary phone (mostly for looks, partially so your kids can easily phone 911 when you fall down the stairs or pass out from paint fumes).
6. Set your iPhone to low power mode and shut all apps so you can savour what remaining battery life is has. Who knows how long this $#@% outage is going to ruin your day?! Close all unnecessary tabs on the laptop and pray it doesn’t die while you take notes on your call. But internet! You do need internet to file that story, don’t you? Turn on your phone’s hotspot and panic again. What is the hotspot cost, like $80 per second?! Does anyone even know?! It can’t be good.
7. Ignore children banging on the back door because you can’t walk over to them while glued to the rotary phone. There’s a CORD! Pray they will give up banging because it’s possible your caller can hear this and thinks you’re a heartless toad.
8. Hang up, throw on a pair of rainboots (no annoying laces like snowboots) and trudge into the backyard to pick up screaming four-year-old who keeps losing her boots (and her shit). Drag her into the house, strip off her wet snow gear, send her up to her room to calm down, and run back to the dying laptop.
9. The power is back on!!! Rush around plugging in devices to soak up that sweet, sweet power. What if it goes off again?! Microwave cups of hot chocolate for the near-frozen children and then shoo them off to play Lego.
10. File your first assignment of the day. Check the clock and see it’s barely 11 a.m. Weep because there are many, many hours to go.