Darling Husband’s shiftwork. I know there are times when it’s a good thing, but depending on what schedule he’s on, it can be a real bitch. On his current rotation, he leaves in the middle of the night, so the kids and I are on our own all morning. He comes home exactly when I need to begin my workday, so I don’t get to see him all afternoon. When he pops into my office to chat, I have to cut him off because … *gestures wildly* Deadlines! Too much work work! Aughh! … and then I feel badly. I come up just in time for dinner, we eat, I often have to go BACK to work, and then when I come back up, he has to go to bed. I put the kids to bed, and … wait, where’s the part where I see him? I miss him.
Finances. I wonder sometimes if we are very broke, but then it always seems relative to how OTHER PEOPLE (i.e. friends) are doing. I think we are definitely on the broke end of things, which is pretty much a habit by now. I’m really OK with living frugally, and watching what we spend, but occasionally it bugs me. I feel like I wear nothing but ancient jeans and T-shirts, and sometimes I have urges to drive to the city’s nice malls and buy all of the things. (Like I used to before we had kids! Zing!) Buying stuff is amazing. I’m not going to pretend it isn’t. But there is a pride (pride? something?) in being a big girl and not spending money, too, I guess.
Running. I have been attempting to learn to run (as my Instagram followers can see/mock) and it was going well, and then the weather decided to be all pouring, all the time, on my running days. I ran on Sunday in the rain, because it was hair-washing day. But the last two days? I HAVEN’T WANTED TO RUIN MY HAIR WITH RAIN. (#firstworldproblems) I think I may have to try a DVD workout of some kind, so I have options for the really wet days? Or maybe I just need to suck it up and ruin my hair, IDK.
Ambition. I have this really amazing gig where I work from home, writing, and get paid to do it (uh, not that I don’t totally LOVE YOU GUYS — I write for you for free!). It sounds so simple, and it so isn’t. I have to put out a lot of fires during non-work hours. I have to work during non-work hours. I struggle with taking on the right amount of work, the right kind of work, all at the right time. I feel guilty about working too much, but then I feel like I should be working more. I wonder if there is more out there for me, professionally, but then the next minute I’m wishing I could be a SAHM. I don’t think I could ever truly be a SAHM, because I would turn something into a business, but … it just sounds appealing, sometimes, when you see how little they have to do, er, how they get naptimes free! (My teacher-friends will be off for the entire summer very soon, so CUE UP THE JEALOUSY — HEATHER’S GOING TO BE OFF THE CHARTS!)
Messes. Two messes in particular. My office is a disaster, and my closet is such a hot mess right now. Remember that time I cleaned it out and organized it? Well, it looks way worse than that original “before” picture. It is a gross wasteland of winter boots and coats, outgrown kiddie clothes, and stuff I should donate — with my vacuum standing up in the middle, heaped with more crap. I WANT to clean it out. I do! But the only “free” time I have is after the kids (and Darling Husband) are in bed, so … hot mess it is!
Remember that time my closet wasn’t disgusting? Yeah, me neither.