Mommy can’t yell. Her throat’s too sore.

Posted on November 1, 2013 by heatherlauraclarke

Seriously, am I really doing back-to-back posts on sickness? Is this what this blog has become?

Well, yes. Sickness is all around us these days, as we talked about the other day. Except this is the kind of sickness that is moving past the runny-nose/sneezing grossness, and into the long-term, is-it-ever-going-to-go-away variety of illin’.

(SIDENOTE: D is also illin’ because he’s lost one of his tubes, and won’t get another surgery until December or January, so we’re basically going to spend the next few months suffering from constant ear-fluid-related fevers, crankiness, and infections. Damn you, little missing tube!)

We all have lingering coughs. Post-viral coughs, I think is the right word for it. Poor D has always been prone to these — he actually went to the emergency room last fall because he wasn’t breathing well, and got a whopping dose of steroids and other fun stuff — so he has his own fancy puffer system for whenever one strikes.

For me, Darling Husband, and C, this never-going-away cough is new. And unpleasant. I grabbed D’s puffer and used it the other night (bad, I know) because I was getting to the hard-to-breathe stage. It helped, but it didn’t go away.

Until it did.
And it was replaced with THE WORST SORE THROAT OF MY LIFE.
Really.

When the saliva builds up in my mouth, I get nervous because that means I’ll eventually have to swallow it. And OMG it hurtsssssss. My voice is going in and out, too, so I’m trying to whisper whenever possible. Last night, I resorted to writing messages to Darling Husband on the kids’ MagnaDoodle.

I’ve been Googling “sore throat remedies” for days, so let’s try to salvage this whiny sickness post and turn it into something more valuable.

Heather’s possibly-helpful list of sore throat remedies:

Vaporizers. If you’re not too lazy to dig it out from the top shelf of your linen closet, that is. (And I’m not, I guess)
Gargle with warm salt water (possibly helped)
Drink a lot of fluids (OMG IT HURTS TO SWALLOW, so NO)
Drink warm, soothing tea (possibly helped)
Drink cough syrup to coat your throat (yeah, that lasts about four seconds, and then you cough so hard your throat is raw again)
Suck on lozenges (didn’t help)
No, suck on numbing lozenges, not those candyish lemonade-flavoured ones, idiot (oops)
Take two (2) Advil every four hours (JACKPOT!)

Yes, it’s true. The only thing that I’ve found ACTUALLY helps this asshole of a sore throat is to take two Advil liquigels every four hours. My throat will still hurt, but it makes swallowing hurt a lot less. According to the all-knowing internet, it’s decreasing the swelling (making it hurt less) and also just dulling the pain (ahhhh).

So if you, like me, have adorable but germy small children who are making you sick ALL. THE. TIME. with their so-called “preschool” (germschool) and “play group” (germ group) and “swimming lessons” (nasty germ-pool dipping), then go out tonight and buy yourself a gigantic bottle of Advil.

You’ll thank me for it when your husband is laughing at you because you’re writing about the plot of Homeland on a Magnadoodle because it hurts to talk.

** No, this post isn’t sponsored by Advil, but that would have been pretty cool. Hey Advil, if you’re reading this, can you make new liquigels that include throat-numbing properties? Or tranquilizers? IDK. Thanks.

Category: Sickness

2 Comments on “Mommy can’t yell. Her throat’s too sore.”

Little Sis
November 6, 2013

As someone who constantly has a sore throat, I've found the best home remedy is to gargle with warm water and a heaping tablespoon of cyan pepper. It is very spicy at first, but it totally works!

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Heather Clarke
November 6, 2013

Thanks for the tip, Little Sis! Now if only there was a home remedy that would teach you how to spell “cayenne.” xoxo

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