All patched up out

I am writing this blog post with my eyes held open by toothpicks. I am writing it now for posterity, so I never forget how tired I am at this moment.

We have been trying to get to a local pumpkin patch/farm/corn maze for, like, ever. Well, a month at least. But this pumpkin patch/farm/corn maze is only open on Saturdays and Sundays from 12 to 5, which does not exactly work well with our kids’ naptime (1:30 to 4:00/4:30). It couldn’t really be worse timing, actually.

Combine the evil nap hours with Darling Husband’s crazy schedule, some rainy weather, general having-two-kids-two-and-under exhaustion, and … yeah, we hadn’t been yet. Our porch was the only one on the street without pumpkins on it.

So today, I was determined we were going to make it work. We couldn’t go tomorrow, so it was literally our last chance before Halloween. And I am not a last-minute girl, so this bothered me, but whatever. I’m also a stubborn girl, and I wanted adorable family pumpkin patch/farm/corn maze memories (and photos … mainly photos). Plus, our friends from our old ‘hood (in the big city) were going today, and it would be extra-awesome to go with them.

Yes, it was still inconvenient today. Yes, it meant sneaking the kids down for their naps early (an hour and a half early, actually) and listening to scream of protest over the monitor. Yes, it meant Darling Husband couldn’t sleep as long as he deserved (after working all night, and working again tonight). Yes, it mean rousing two cranky kids who had just barely succumbed to their (early) naps.

Oh, and yes, my day had also started at 5:20 a.m. with a diaper blowout … only I didn’t realize it was a blow-out, and thought it was just a wet sleeper, so I changed ONLY THE SLEEPER but not the diaper, and then wondered blearily why the baby wasn’t going back to sleep, despite the fact that I’d brought her back in bed with me. When I saw the poo two hours later (everywhere), I realized the error of my ways. But this, you see, is what happens when you are Perma-Zombie Mommy.

But you know what? The pumpkin patch/farm/corn maze was pretty darn awesome.

We pet animals in a petting zoo, we bounced on a giant rubber pillow thingy (adults were allowed, too, OMGGGG fun), we zoomed down the world’s fastest slide made of some kind of tubing, we walked through a spinning vortex room, we played with metal “diggers” that dug up rocks, we climbed hay, we took a wagon-ride to the pumpkin patch and selected two lovely ones (Darling Husband actually picked them out, based on their long stems “easy carry-ability” while D kept asking anxiously when the green tractor would be back to pick us up — he thought we were stranded, I think) and D went on a little tram ride — when I say “tram” I mean “sliced plastic barrels towed behind a tractor.”

We also ate french fries, ribbon fries, and deep-fried Oreos. I don’t recommend doing most of the above activities immediately after eating those things, as you will feel like ass.

We stayed for more than two and a half hours, which meant a LOT of chasing after D, grabbing him out of the tractor’s path, bouncing with him on the giant pillow, going down the enormous/gigantic/huge slide with him (OMG I knew I was in trouble the second we pushed off … ugh), and nursing the baby in the chilly wind.

So yes, yes it was awesome. And yes, exhausting. We were all grimy and tired by the end. I was hugely dizzy and nauseous from the pillow-bouncing (no, I’m not pregnant). D was screaming because he didn’t want to leave. C was fussing. Darling Husband and I were both dead-tired. The kids were cranky all evening. Darling Husband took a nap since he had to work tonight, and I thought I was going to sell both of them before bedtime finally FINALLY rolled around.

But by gosh, we made memories, we took photos, and I even got a ton of video. So I call it a success! A very, very, very, very tiring success. But this is what parents do, right? Sacrificing sleep and sanity for the sake of some damned pumpkin patch photos? Sounds practical.

So what do you think?

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