The Pregnant Chick Who Went Crazy Over Bathroom Shelves: A Memoir

So, today I’m 36.5 weeks pregnant.
The baby is arriving in precisely* 15 days.
FIFTEEN DAYS, PEOPLE!

(*Yes, precisely. If you’re new to the show, let’s re-cap: Our heroine is having a scheduled C-section, since last time she experienced a 17+ hour labour with a BOATLOAD of lovely complications and wound up with a C-section anyway)

So, of course, since I’m 15 days away from HAVING A BABY, I have reached that awesome point in the pregnancy where:

  • I feel enormous (and, you know, AM enormous)
  • I feel really, really uncomfortable ALL THE TIME
  • I am getting a bit psycho about to-do lists
  • I am super-eager to get this show on the road
  • Did I mention I am psycho about getting things DONE?

If you have never been pregnant, you are probably curious what I mean by “psycho.” Well, let’s put it this way …

Yesterday when I went into Darling Husband’s bathroom, I became UNREASONABLY UNHINGED by the fact that his storage shelves were in total disarray, even though STUFF FELL ON ME THE DAY BEFORE and he PROMISED to clean up the TOTAL CRAP HORRIBLE GODAWFUL MESS and he DIDN’T DO IT and if he had been home at the time I would have probably EATEN HIS HEART. RAWR.

So, in conclusion, here are the things I want Darling Husband to do before the baby comes. I don’t think he reads the blog much anymore, what with all the Very Important Card Games on his phone, so if you see him on the street? Pass this along, will you?

  • Clean the utility room!
  • Move the deep freeze into the utility room!
  • Move the hooks in the dining room to the top of the basement stairs because they are really driving me NUTS there because they have NO PURPOSE!
  • Clean up your bathroom shelves before I have a CORONARY OMG DO IT NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW. I’m so tired of one of your fifty-million deodorants FALLING ON MY HEAD when I pee! DO IT DO IT DO IT DO ITTTTTTTT!

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