Lunch for preggos in 25 easy steps

  1. Reheat leftover pasta and serve it to your toddler.
  2. Look through all cupboards, the fridge, and the freezer, and whine to yourself about how nothing is appealing for your own lunch.
  3. Decide you could probably stomach some Triscuits, as they are deliciously salty.
  4. Grudgingly decide to open a can of tuna, because it’s ALL YOU HAVE, and clearly your husband did a crap job grocery shopping because EVERYTHING WE HAVE IS GROSS
  5. Mix tuna in a bowl with mayonaise.
  6. Try not to get grossed out by the mayonaise.
  7. Decide the tomato in the fridge looks kind of OK.
  8. Cut up the tomato. Text your sister that you are eating the end slices and they are SO GOOD because you are mean.
  9. A pickle! That’s what can make this shitty lunch better.
  10. Pickles remind you of cheeseburgers. Mmmmmm.
  11. Chop up one pickle and add it to another bowl. You can’t mix the tomato and the pickle, because that would be disgusting.
  12. Don’t forget your heartburn pill.
  13. Pour a glass of milk, to combat the aforementioned heartburn.
  14. Carry everything over to the table.
  15. Cautiously scoop a small amount of tuna onto a Triscuit, and precariously add two hunks of tomato and two hunks of chopped pickle.
  16. Repeat.
  17. Repeat.
  18. Repeat.
  19. Repeat.
  20. Repeat a lot.
  21. OMG tuna is good! Who knew?
  22. It’s almost like you’re eating a gourmet passed appetizer at a wedding cocktail hour.
  23. You have been watching way too much Four Weddings on TLC.
  24. Hey, where did all the tuna go?
  25. I’m still hungry …

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