My Monday sucked … how ’bout yours?
Without spewing too much negativity into the interwebz, here is a brief list of things that are upsetting/frustrating/stressing me out:
- Finances. Oh, the days when I worried how we would survive with me being on mat leave. Nothing compared to the reality of mat leave coming to an end. We are very confident in our decision for me to stay home with Baby Boy (and do freelance work), but still, we are worried. Wouldn’t it be nice to win the lottery, too? To cover the tax bill that is lurking on the kitchen counter, among other things. Not a huge lottery. We’re not picky. Just like $5,000 or something. Please?
- The sale of our condo. We had it sold. The buyer’s financing fell through. Now we’re trying to sell it again. The market sucks. I’m worried we made the wrong decision to sell privately. Real estate agents keep sending snail mail pleads for their business, and yesterday one called me. Um, YES, we obviously considered an agent — we can’t afford one! I hung up and wanted to cry.
- The balancing act. I’m freelancing every day. I’m so grateful for the work, and I want to keep it coming. But I’m also starting to drown a bit. Some days I am keeping my head above water, but other days (like the awful Monday that was yesterday), it’s like I’m busting my ass to stay afloat but nothing is getting done completely, done right. Taking care of a baby by yourself is a lot of work. So is keeping house, with all of the laundry/dishes/cleaning/cooking/more laundry minutiae. I have to plan out every minute of my day just to get everything done, and the result is feeling like my life is one big Project That Must Be Managed. There is no time for me. Attempting to take time for me only increases the worries of #1. Maybe when #2 is resolved, the pressure on #1 will ease up, I can take a break, and #3 will be easier.
There — rant over.
I am trying really, really hard to get over these feelings of worry and fear and negativity and stress. I know we have so much for which to be grateful.
I used to have pity-parties all the time, but having Baby Boy has significantly changed my outlook on, well, everything. I’m more appreciate of things now, and I try to always look for the lesson in hard times — whereas the pre-baby (often selfish and whiny) me would have been all ROARRRR WHY IS THIS SUCKING SO BAD? I HATE EVERYTHING ROARRRRRR! FML!
The post-baby me is different.
More mature. More calm.
I am trying to be grateful.
I am trying to get through this.
We have each other.
We have our amazing, healthy baby.
We have a comfortable home
that we can’t seem to sell.
We are paying the bills
I just have to keep repeating these things to myself.
And being grateful for what we have.