Five paradoxes about being nine months pregnant

  • You have time to shop, but no shopping budget (since maternity leave benefits don’t kick in for freaking ages)
  • You have time to cook, but no stamina/patience to stand in a hot kitchen all day
  • You have time to do a proper deep clean, but your husband prohibits you from pulling out the stove and the refrigerator to clean behind them
  • Walking can induce labour, but your aching back prevents you from walking far
  • People tell you how small your belly looks — but back when you were 28 weeks, you apparently looked ready to pop???

So what do you think?

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