Five bodily fluids to expect during labour/delivery

When I was in the hospital having Baby Boy, I remember thinking of a line from an old episode of Roseanne. Dan was sick with the flu, and he said, “I’ve got bad stuff coming out every hole in my body.” That is exactly what having a baby is like. Bad stuff out of every hole (with the exception of your sweet babe).
This is super-graphic, but I would have wanted to read this stuff beforehand, so I’m offering it up to all of the preggos out there. Read it, so you are not horrified at every new fluid like I was! …
  1. Amniotic fluid. Remember how I described my “water” breaking? And, you know, how instead of the “water” I was expecting, I had yellowish slop? Not embarrassing when it was confined to a pad/my underwear/my pants/the beach towel on the seat of the car, but definitely a little embarrassing when it was slopping all over the hospital floor, and I was trying to mop it up.
  2. Vomit. I threw up once during labour (after eating an orange popsicle), and once during the emergency C-section (that part of the birth story is coming soon). Well, technically, it was eight times in quick succession during the C-section. Throwing up while you are strapped to a table like Jesus is not cool. You can just turn your head to one side and hope to get it in the basin.
  3. Poo. Yes, poo. This actually happened in two different ways. First it was while on the toilet. Doesn’t sound so bad? Well, it was considering I was surrounded by Darling Husband and my nurse, and I was also throwing up at the same time, and moaning that I was going to black out. Oh yeah, and I couldn’t control it coming out (or really feel it). I could just keep wiping helplessly, and hope it would stop soon. Lovely, huh? After that, one of my worst fears about pushing was pooing, and it happened. Luckily, the nurses were quick to whisk away the little pad-thing and replace it. And when you are in that much pain, it is true that you really don’t care anymore.
  4. Pee. After all is said and done (and the baby was out), I looked down and saw a tube of pee leading to a plastic bag of pee. Oh, a catheter. Great. The embarrassing part came when the nurse on duty had to take the bag and empty it into a bedpan — right there, while I watched.
  5. Blood. While I was lying in the recovery room, unable to move from the waist down, I got to watch a nurse yank down my underwear, change my pad, and yank my underwear back up. Then they did it again, in my room, throughout the afternoon and evening. That must be how babies feel when you diaper them. Then, exactly 12 hours after my C-section, a nurse came in to get me out of bed for the first time. The second both my feet hit the floor, a little gush of blood splashed onto the tile. I took a tentative step, and a HUGE amount of blood began puddling around me. It was like something out of a horror movie, I told the nurse. It ran down my legs and soaked my ankle socks, and I literally left a bloody trail all the way to the bathroom.

One Comment on “Five bodily fluids to expect during labour/delivery

  1. I would have liked to have known these things beforehand also! as for the pee, I shot pee at my doctor while pushing lol

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