Adventures in bloodwork
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
BLOOD-TAKER (reading sheet): So you’re pregnant?
ME (beaming): Thank you!
BLOOD-TAKER: Uh … are you … keeping it?
ME (shocked): … Yes!
Then she took 10 empty tubes — at least 10 tubes — and started sticking labels to them. I had only gotten blood drawn once or twice in my life, and I never remembered quite this many tubes. And I had certainly never gotten blood drawn while I already felt so bad.
ME (weakly): Wow, are those all for me?
BLOOD-TAKER: Oh yes! (pause) It’s not quite the most I’ve ever drawn at one time, but it’s close.
ME: I’m going to need to look away.
The pinch hurt, but I kept my gaze on the door hinges while God-knows-what happened to my poor left arm. I couldn’t feel the blood whooshing out of my body like I thought I would, but my left hand felt sweaty and lifeless. I chattered on like an idiot, trying to keep from passing out cold with my dress over my head.
BLOOD-TAKER (pressing a cotton ball to my elbow): All done!
ME (still chattering): Oh, that wasn’t so bad, actually. I feel OK. I don’t feel —
I turn back to the table in front of me, and see 10 tubes of gross dark red blood. My blood!
ME: Uhhhh …