Taking a deep breath

Posted on July 26, 2009 by heatherlauraclarke

I know it was only our first month or trying, so I shouldn’t have had my hopes up so soon. But I’m only human, and I did. Hopes were sky-high. Seeing the negative test last night was harder than I expected.

I did some Googling, and basically confirmed everything I already knew. It takes an average of six months to conceive. We just need to try again next month. The important thing is not to get stressed out.

While I was browsing the TTC forums, it was comforting to read the stories and comments from other women who are trying to conceive. It reaffirmed that we are just starting out, and that there is no need to panic yet.

And then I saw a link to the most beautiful music video …

I Would Die For That

by Kellie Coffey

Jenny was my best friend.
Went away one summer.
Came back with a secret
She just couldn’t keep.
A child inside her,
Was just too much for her
So she cried herself to sleep.

And she made a decision
Some find hard to accept.
Too young to know that one day
She might live to regret.

But I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that she had.
I would die for that.

I’ve been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We’re told not to give up.
He wonders if it’s him.
And I wonder if it’s me.

All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won’t understand it
If it’s not meant to be.

Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it’s like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I’d give up!
I would die for that.

Sometimes it’s hard to conceive,
With all that I’ve got,
And all I’ve achieved,
What I want most
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
“I love you, Mom.”

I would die for that.
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it’s like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die …
I would die for that.

Category: Lyrics, Trying to conceive

One Comment on “Taking a deep breath”

Anonymous
July 27, 2009

Don't worry, it will happen. My DH and I have been trying since February and twice now, I have let myself get carried away, only to be disappointed. 🙁 But, it will happen when it's meant to.

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I’m Heather Laura Clarke. I’m writer living in beautiful Nova Scotia, I have a 11-year-old son and a nine-year-old daughter, I married my high school sweetheart, and this is the story of my handmade life.

I have depression and anxiety, and I fight like hell every day to keep it from taking over my life. Making things isn’t just a hobby — it’s part of what keeps me alive.

Whether I’m writing novels, decorating a room, busting out my power tools to build furniture, getting muddy in the pottery studio, sewing clothes for my kids, or cross-stitching a swear word, I’m all about using my creativity to craft a life I love.

I’ve been writing this blog since 2009, so if you dig deep into the archives, you’ll meet a bright-eyed 25-year-old newlywed who was basically obsessed with having kids, buying a cozy house, and supporting herself full-time as a writer. (Spoiler alert: she got exactly what she wanted.)