Oh, the guilt … the guilt …

Posted on July 20, 2009 by heatherlauraclarke

I have heard about “mother’s guilt.” But I thought that started when you actually were a mother.

I always thought I would be one of those mothers who was vigilant about not doing anything bad during their pregnancy. I would not touch Diet Coke. I would not let alcohol touch my lips. I would run away screaming if someone smoked nearby.

Um …

Here is a brief list of all of the “feel-so-guilty” things I have done (and not done) in the last week — which could wind up being Week 3 of my pregnancy:

Drank “silver-label” Diet Coke (caffeine and aspartame)
Drank “gold-label” Diet Coke (aspartame)
Ate pepperoni (processed meat)
Drank tea (caffeine)
Forgot to take my prenatal vitamin on Saturday and Sunday
Drank one sip of champagne at the hair salon — with the rest of the bridal party — before remembering
Drank three sips of champagne, just hours later, while getting dressed
Drank yet another three sips of champagne, during the toasts
Sat near some of the bridal party while they were smoking cigarettes outside the reception (I waved the smoke away)
Did not really eat any vegetables or fruit for four days
Did not drink milk (calcium) for two days
Ate a Wendy’s Baconator — plus fries and a whack of chips — for dinner on Sunday

That’s quite a list, isn’t it? Every time I would forget and pick up a Diet Coke, Darling Husband would shoot me this “Are-you-sure-you-should-be-drinking-that?” look. It was cute of him to be concerned, so I would finish it and then switch to water.

But part of me was just annoyed with this “maybe” phase. Sure, once I am actually pregnant, I will not order Diet Coke, or regular tea — at least not regularly. But I might not be yet.

As the weekend went on, I felt more like I was probably hallucinating those symptoms, I found it seemed silly not to have a Diet Coke. It became a conflicted inner monologue, every time I was asked for my drink order.

This month might be my last chance to have it for a while!

But it might already be too late. Maybe I shouldn’t.

It’s not a martini — it’s a soft drink! Have one.

But I feel SO GUILTY.

Thinking back to my trusty guide, it said a lot of stuff like “Oh? You smoked crack before knowing you were pregnant? No biggie! Just lay off the crack for now.”

So really, a few sips of champagne, a few Diet Cokes, and a weekend of general unhealthy eating is not a big deal.

It sure isn’t crack!

Category: Cooking, No-no's, Trying to conceive

2 Comments on “Oh, the guilt … the guilt …”

lindsey
July 20, 2009

You are the most amazing almost-mother ever! You've put more accountability on yourself in the past week than many women do in the entire pregnancy! Don't feel guilty. You're so prepared and responsible! You're going to be a fantastic mother 😉

P.S. Is it test time yet?!

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Laptops to Lullabies
July 20, 2009

Awww, thanks for the reassurance! No, it's not test time for another six days, unfortunately. I hate waiting!

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I’m Heather Laura Clarke. I’m writer living in beautiful Nova Scotia, I have a 11-year-old son and a nine-year-old daughter, I married my high school sweetheart, and this is the story of my handmade life.

I have depression and anxiety, and I fight like hell every day to keep it from taking over my life. Making things isn’t just a hobby — it’s part of what keeps me alive.

Whether I’m writing novels, decorating a room, busting out my power tools to build furniture, getting muddy in the pottery studio, sewing clothes for my kids, or cross-stitching a swear word, I’m all about using my creativity to craft a life I love.

I’ve been writing this blog since 2009, so if you dig deep into the archives, you’ll meet a bright-eyed 25-year-old newlywed who was basically obsessed with having kids, buying a cozy house, and supporting herself full-time as a writer. (Spoiler alert: she got exactly what she wanted.)